One night recently, about 10:00 pm, I was driving in my neighborhood to petsit for family friends.
In the open sky, at my favorite roundabout where God has spoken to me countless times, He gave me another shooting star.
A beautiful light in the black sky flew peacefully across the perfect canvas I was staring at.
I was speechless. It was just like the one He gave me Christmas morning when I was outside by myself at 3:00 am.
I MARVEL at His goodness. I tucked that moment into my heart pocket to treasure. I always think, “Why (me) Papa? Why are You so good to Me?”
Little did I know that within the next 24 hours I would be smack dab in the midst of spiritual warfare. I was blindsided. This time ‘the spiritual offender’ went straight for my throat.
I would really love to share details, but it’s very personal. It was so unbelievable that it actually felt surreal. However, I have grown so close to my Father that it was almost like having an out of body experience. I could clearly SEE the situation for what it was, and I did not engage myself as I would have in previous years. I KNEW I was protected and the battle was not mine.
I knew the moment that it started happening that MY shooting star was my Papa’s, “ I’ve got this kid, and you know what to do. We’ve trained for this. You see me and I see you. TRUST ME. Keep your eyes on Me and do not FEAR.”
Can you take that in for a moment?
The Creator of the universe broke through the natural to protect ME from my enemy. I didn’t have to do anything but be still and trust. The attack lasted a couple days. It was crazy to witness and crazy to be a part of.
I’ve been given a personal promise that I stand on. I was given it in a dream AND a vision. So walking in the wilderness until I experience the promise, my obedience is crucial. I get to the promise land by obeying no matter what the circumstance.
When God is your EVERYTHING He is all that you need to endure through the traps and attacks. Never be naive to the reality that your life isn’t spiritual. It is.
The last couple of months have consisted of God teaching me to wake up and realize that things happening are very real and very SPIRITUAL.
God speaks to me in my dreams and a couple of months ago a different voice spoke to me in my dream. I sat up abruptly (startled) and wrote it down realizing it was different, but not until days later would I realize it was Satan himself.
He used the words that he said to me to later try to cripple me with fear, but it didn’t work. It rattled me for about an hour and then I knew what was happening. He was attacking the very gift God gave me to hear Him. My dreams! Makes pretty good sense.
That attack DID however WAKE me up from my slumber. God ALLOWED it to make me realize that there is spiritual warfare all around us every single day. It was unbelievable. Like something you would only see in a movie. I still cannot believe it happened.
That incident still pretty fresh, coupled with the one recently, has me charged and fully aware of things happening that we can only see through eyes of faith.
If you want to WALK your journey in faith you cannot trust what you see with your natural eyes AND feel with your emotions and heart. You just stand FIRM in your faith. You WILL see things happening and feel things that are painful, but don’t follow them!
When we BELIEVE and live out our FAITH, the burden is light. We don’t go at it alone EVER.
God spoke to me through both of those experiences. Hindsight they were both pretty epic. My life is not boring that is for sure. It is much an adventure and Pilgrimage.
I hear my Father. We hear each other. He didn’t have to give me that shooting star. BUT He DID, because He is SO GOOD. His goodness is what has me. I am deeply overwhelmed that I get to walk with Him here on Earth, and I very much look forward to getting to walk with Him in Heaven.
The other day I was trying to give encouragement to someone that has a history of struggling with fear.
In my desire to help them, I began telling them a story about my youngest daughter, Lilly, who is eleven years old. I was telling them about the conversation we had just had. It was pretty profound.
Lilly has had fear driven tendencies since she was very young. Over the last couple of years I have noticed that she has grown more confident and wrestled with it much less. I refuse to ever label her anything other than daughter of God. She is a child of God that will walk with Him through any fear or anxiety.
However, we just found out that she has to have surgery and be put to sleep for the procedure. When she found out about being put under she lost it. She became completely crippled by fear. She was on the verge of panicking.
I sat her down and had a very serious talk with her. The terror she was feeling took over her body. It hurt my heart to see her that way. She was believing the lie that was telling her that she may not wake up from sleep. Ultimately the fear of death which is the root of most fears.
I get it.
I have so many thoughts about death. I’ll save them for another day. I have to stay focused.
I immediately began speaking TRUTH to, and over her. I know firsthand how we become or feel taken over by anxiety or fear. We all the sudden feel caged, afraid, and helpless. I’ve been there. She needed LIGHT, and she needed her weapons.
Eventually, I got her to calm down enough to listen and to be reminded of what was her truth.
She had lost hold of what she KNEW to be true. She lost hold of the truth she believes. Lilly prays about EVERYTHING, but this came on too strong. That’s often what happens. All that we know goes out the door in the heat of the dark moment.
I looked her in the eye and told her that (((ANY))) fear is NOT God.
Period.
Let that sink in.m
Repeat it.
This fear is coming from opposition. Darkness.
You HAVE to fight it.
It is not OF Him.
THAT realization helps me.
When I realize that I’m letting darkness fester in me, it sort of shakes me from my slumber in a how dare you sort of way.
We have to be active and not just let it happen. We have to walk forward with our swords drawn.
Jesus will give you everything that you need to pull you out and set your feet on a firm foundation.
DARKNESS brings the fear of death. Jesus came to ABOLISH death, and and bring TRUE LIFE to light! Relationship with Jesus is everything.
He will bring you THROUGH the darkness. Fear cannot conquer a heart given to Him. In the dark place you will hear His whispers and His sweet reminders that you know from your intimacy with Him.
I also told her that fear is a liar and that just because she FEELS fear or FEELS afraid she doesn’t have to let it control her. FEAR DOES NOT HAVE THE FINAL SAY.
Jesus does.
She cannot let it dictate her life. It does NOT have control. It is a bully and a liar.
I can say this to her because I have experienced it firsthand.
I then told her my own story or testimony of wrestling with fear and NOT letting it cripple me. I knew it would help her giving her an example instead of just preaching to her.
A few years ago I developed an irrational fear of being in crowds. I assume it developed after the rise of mass shootings. But it festered within me and grew over time and I’ve been tormented ever since.
I could share LOTS of incidents, but the most severe and most recent was when I took the girls to the ERA’S TOUR in Nashville.
I nearly had a panic attack. After we were IN the stadium my heart was racing, and I could feel my heart THUMPING IN MY CHEST.
It felt like my world was shaking out of control. My thoughts were out of control. My breaths were heavy. On top of the fear of being in the stadium in the midst of thousands of people, I THEN feared what would happen to my girls if I panicked. The unknown makes it even worse.
I knew if I entertained the fears they would get stronger.
I felt trapped. It was ludicrous, but so real and so powerful.
The idea of an active shooter in a full stadium WAS VERY REAL TO ME. It was more real than when I feel it even at a football game. Crowds trigger the fear.
All I could think in my mind was how I HAD to beat it. I PRAYED. I prayed HARD. I took deep breaths. I knew I had to THINK about truth.
I KNEW where it was coming from.
I KNEW it was irrational.
And I was NOT going to let it steal that special unforgettable evening with my girls.
So I prayed. I preached a sermon to myself. And I said, “NO!” to what was coming against me.
I reminded myself of the promises my Father had personally given me.
My very personal promise from Him is that I will always walk in peace, because He will continually shower me with His presence. And He does. He does over and over. He is so faithful to me. He is so real and present. I just cannot see Him with my natural vision, but I felt Him.
I reminded myself of the visions He had given me to hold on to for a time such a this.
I reminded myself that I was NOT alone and that He was with me and for me even though I was struggling to feel that in that moment.
Every time fear came to the surface I said, “NO!” And I didn’t entertain the thought. It was so hard.
I felt like throwing up, but I wasn’t going to let it control me. I refused. Fear is NOT my master.
Jesus is my master and I carry His peace.
After the hard part of walking in faith I started seeing God’s signs everywhere. Realizing His powerful presence my heart was overwhelmed with His special love for me. When the creator of life breaks through the natural realm to save “me”… it wrecks me every single time.
He is so good to me.
His goodness brings me to my knees.
His presence gave me clarity and shattered the fear. “Ok, Papa, I got this,” were my final words.
I know that anxiety, fear, and depression is debilitating. I’ve seen it my entire life torment people.
I am not at all trying to say that fear an anxiety is easy to control. I’m just telling you my own personal testimony.
I’ve learned after many years where to focus my attention in my trials and I wanted to share with hopes it might encourage even just one person.
Lilly and I have a movie that is very special to us and in it a quote that states, “there is no courage without fear.” We will feel fear. It’s the moments that follow and our reaction that matters.
Where does your heart turn?
In those moments of feeling fear we are to take courage. We walk through it. We BELIEVE. This is what we train for. This is our OPPORTUNITY to walk in faith.
When I am shaking HE is not. I have to find my way to His outstretched arms.
FAITH is what we have as Christ followers. THIS is our opportunity. Where the rubber meets the road.
THIS is WHY God wrapped Himself in flesh and showed us THE WAY.
He showed us how to demolish the fear. He gave us tools. Declare truth. Speak it. Say it over and over until it conquers your thoughts.
I’m sure fear and anxiety will come again in Lilly’s life and my own. But because of Jesus we have victory.
That victory is everything that you actually believe and the depths to which you believe it. It’s how real it is to you in GO TIME, not when everything is going smoothly.
God created His children with VERY powerful minds and tells us over and over to meditate on truth. To train our thoughts. To train for those dark moments.
He gave us PRAYER to anchor ourselves to Him.
UNCEASING prayer. A non stop conversation with your Father. He wants us to always be saturated in His presence. Not just where we turn in difficult times.
Jesus was anchored to His Father and lived in constant awareness of His closeness and we can too!
In the moments that fear and anxiety try to rob us of our sanity or peace, we don’t have to give in and label ourselves and feel defeated.
You may have to fight, but you will have the victory. He will hold you and cover you.
I think the best medicine is to work on your relationship with your Father. To obey His Word. To DO the things. To walk with Him moment to moment. To learn to hear His voice. This is what He came close to give us. This is why He endured the cross. He deeply loves us.
God is greater than my fear. I’m not stuck unless I stop.
Have courage. Don’t be afraid. God is with you wherever you go.-
Joshua 1:9
Fear and intimidation is a TRAP that holds you back. But when you place your confidence in the Lord, you will be seated in the high place.
“The fear of God is the death of every other fear; like a mighty Lion, it chases all other fears away.”- Spurgeon
“The only thing to fear is fear itself.”- Zootopia
On the night of Saturday October 21st, my ten year old daughter Lilly was extremely tired from a very busy day. She had a morning of softball, shopping with mom, and a long birthday party that afternoon. When bedtime drew near she fell asleep very quickly which allowed me some time to read before I got too sleepy.
I picked up my Bible and felt persuaded to start reading John in the gospels. Side note: God can breathe a fresh word through scripture no matter how many times you have read it. God’s word is ALIVE and POWERFUL.
I slowly read John 1-13 expectant to hear from Him. I was craving a word! The passage I read was titled John’s Witness: “The True Light.”
I closed my Bible after those few sentences so that I could ponder what I had just read. I was waiting for a whisper or a revelation.
Simply put, John, was a WITNESS to the Light.
I was still in Lilly’s room, so I turned off her lamp and went to my bed. I still felt like reading a bit which is unusual for me because I’m usually too exhausted to read at bedtime. My husband has had one of my books on his bedside table that a friend/pastor had recommended him to read. It is called “Imagine Heaven” by John Burke, and is a book full of stories of people who have had near death experiences. For whatever reason I grabbed it and hopped into bed.
I had read most of the book but it had been a few years. When I opened it that night, it fell open to where I had last placed a bookmark, Chapter 12,“Light of the World.” It was the same topic as I read in my Bible a few minutes earlier. (not a coincidence).
My heart skipped as 12 is my number and is very symbolic to many things that happen in my life. Also coupled with the fact that the TITLE got my attention being about “THE LIGHT” again and paired with the story of chapter “12” (also not a coincidence).
Within this particular story in chapter 12, a 4 year old little girl named Akiane Kramarik tells her mom that she met and talked to God.
Many of you may know her story already. She is a famous artist who began drawing at the age of four and painting by the age of six. Akiane painted the famous portrait of Jesus called “Prince of Peace” at age 8. She became a prodigy after these encounters.
She claims to have met God and said that God gave her visions of Jesus. She refers to God as LIGHT that is warm and good. She said that God was her parent. Her mom was raised an atheist and their family had never spoke of religion, never gone to church, and didn’t own a television. The little girl claims to have had visits with God, and also that He took her to Heaven. In Heaven she see’s and meets her angel. When she draws a picture of her angel, she doesn’t draw a smile because the paper wasn’t white enough to show how white her teeth were. There is much more to her story but that was enough for me to read.
When I read one specific line, my heart sank to my toes.
In that moment God was affirming me. He and I have had a secret. I too have encountered heaven in this same way but I’ve never spoken of it publicly. God has been encouraging me to write about it for a few years. I’ve tried to get started a zillion times and I always feel that I won’t do justice to such a sacred story. He has shown me sign after sign after sign that I will be writing a book about it. It has been an explosion inside of me just waiting to be released, but I’ve been being ever so cautious that it is the right time.
However, God continues to encourage me.
The divine being that I encountered had the most beautiful teeth that I couldn’t stop noticing. The only person I told after I met him was a friend who was like a spiritual mother to me. She asked me about his eyes and informed me that she knew of other encounters where the angels had mesmerizing eyes. I replied that his eyes were normal, nothing that stood out, but that his teeth were absolutely perfect and I couldn’t stop noticing them.
It’s very hard to explain but when I read that sentence that Akiane wrote about her angel something birthed in my heart. A fire began burning.
The next morning was a Sunday and my daughter and I were volunteering at our new church. It was the first baptism Sunday since the church launched a few weeks ago, and I was SO EXCITED to watch people be resurrected into new life. I was like a kid at Christmas. The church stood together watching this crazy powerful thing happening before our eyes. It was so miraculous and so emotional. I felt like heaven and earth had collided and in the spiritual realm all of heaven was there celebrating with us.
In that very divine moment I looked up and noticed a little white feather falling right above me in slow motion. There were no trees around, no birds around, and the little white feather landed perfectly in my cupped hands.
Papa God is SO GOOD. I can’t even fully comprehend His goodness. It’s too much glory to behold in my humanity. The moment was quiet and surreal but afterwards I wanted to come out of my skin and worship Him.
This is relationship. A daily interaction with our Creator! We pray, He listens. He speaks and we listen. We listen and obey. The Light of Heaven will start invading your life! He will break through our earthly realm to show us THE WAY. Be ready for the best adventure of your life!
If you have made it this far, thank you so very much for taking the time to read! It means so much to me. XO!
I’m sharing this story for the very first time since it happened nearly a year ago, 2022. It has been sacred to my heart. I’ve held it tight and treasured it, but testimonies are powerful and I feel lead to share this one now.
I will begin the story by first explaining my love for rainbows.
I’ve had a special love for rainbows for as far back as I can remember. Rainbows just naturally have an awe and wonder factor about them. I assume most people affiliate rainbows with God because of the promise He gave Noah after the flood. For that reason, they have a symbolic meaning. But before I even had a close relationship with God, or knew that story well, I felt like rainbows were a kiss from Him.
When I got a little older, seeing them became even more special. God showed me a rainbow the day we had my grandpa’s funeral. I was young, but the feelings of loss were real to me. It was my first taste of losing someone that I loved, and seeing that rainbow brought me comfort. I sensed that it was Him. Then, another one appeared on the day we lost my grandma. And AGAIN the day of my brothers good friend’s funeral.
I just really felt like God was revealing the reality to me that He was with me and knew I was hurting. His presence in my hurt and pain warmed my heart. He was showing me as a little girl that He loved me and wanted to comfort me. Rainbows were my reminder that He was with me.
Because of that pattern, I began seeing them as God’s comfort. I was beginning to tune in to His voice back then although I didn’t realize it. He was teaching me to look for Him.
Science can explain how a rainbow is formed, the perfect recipe can cause one to appear, but only God can have it appear precisely when we need it most.
He can use a rainbow. He can use a book. He can use a bird. He can use a sunrise. He can use a stranger. He can use your child or your spouse. He can use a movie. He can use ANYTHING to speak to you.
The question is how do you see or perceive these happenings? I personally do not believe in coincidences.
My divinely timed scriptures in His word, stories from His word , nature, rainbows, and so on, are not coincidences. They are ways to see and experience Him. They are His visible presence.
I passed this love and infatuation of rainbows on to my oldest daughter, Elysse. To her as a child, because of my experiences, rainbows were always God’s special gift. She LOVED them. Drawings, paintings, stickers, pictures, and even a stained glass rainbow that her grandmother gifted her. They became little symbols that covered her childhood.
Three years ago, Elysse started a small business of selling her hand made macrame rainbows. After a couple of years making them she mastered her art. They are absolutely gorgeous. The most beautiful thing about them is that each beautiful, symbolic, rainbow is prayed over and paired with a powerful promise from God. She prays and chooses the promise in which the Holy Spirit leads her. The beautiful rainbow is then the recipients reminder of the Word of God that is theirs to claim and speak over their lives. POWERFUL.
Of course, the most beautiful thing is not only how God has used her business in the last three years, but WHAT He has done inside of HER heart as she has navigated with Him. That is always how He works. He cares more about the condition of OUR hearts than He does our platforms. Her rainbows have reached nearly all states in the U.S. and even a handful of different countries. The impact on lives that God has touched has been astounding. Some of those lives that have been touched wrote Elysse personal letters. I’m assuming these beautiful testimonies given to the maker of these little rainbows had no idea that they were writing their stories to a young teenager. That thought makes my heart swell. Several of the stories were written by mothers who had lost a baby. They were raw testimony’s of the horrific pain in losing a child. But God…
These stories went on to speak of the hope birthed after their LOSS. God blessed them with the birth of another child in which is known as a RAINBOW BABY. Neither of us had ever even heard of that term. What an honor to be entrusted by these women to read and carry these priceless testimonies.
Only God.
The women who shared their stories with her wanted a rainbow for their rainbow babies as a reminder of what God did after their painful loss. Her rainbows represented and reminded them of hope that was birthed.
As time has passed since those stories were shared, I have crossed paths with so many women who have lost babies. I am deeply honored that any woman would share their story with me.
We are not “protected” from suffering or pain. But God’s presence can shift our focus. We can find safety and redemption when we trust Him with it. There is glory hidden there when we do. Set your gaze on what He is saying and speaking over you. He will bring healing to your broken heart. That is what this story is about. This is where He meets us. This is the sacred union. He comes so close that His presence heals our brokenness, and He takes all the pieces and puts them back together beautifully in a way we could have never imagined. This is what He longs for. He longs for relationship with us. He is truly our SAVIOR.
A year ago, 2022, we were nearing my oldest daughters, Elysse’s, sweet 16th birthday. If you know me at all or have been following me for some time, you know that my love language is giving gifts, large or small, and it usually HAS to be something sentimental. I LOVE making people feel special.
For her approaching birthday, Lyssy, sent me a little list of things she wanted for her birthday. Jokingly as the time drew closer to her special day, she added to the end of her short list… an orange kitten.
I laughed out loud when I saw this addition to her birthday wishes. She always makes me smile with her witty humor. She is a stinker. I loved how she snuck that one in there.
This child passionately loves cats.
I thought for a few seconds and said immediately, “Well THAT is NOT going to happen.”
So I jumped on the internet and searched for the PERFECT stuffed animal orange kitten. I was proud of my cleverness. That request was resolved, so I thought. I put the perfect stuffed orange kitten in my closet.
Her request started to weigh on me. Everything else she asked for was just stuff. A kitten would be a gift to remember forever, and that is always my goal when gift giving. So, I started entertaining the idea of rescuing an orange kitty. I was very well aware of the fact that it was the voice I should NOT be listening to, BUT…. It was her 16th birthday. And that would be a very special gift for a memorable birthday. It is literally one of her most favorite things in the world. I also rationalized that she wasn’t getting a new car, so this was the next best thing. Plus, what are the chances of finding and rescuing AN ORANGE kitty before her fast approaching birthday? It wouldn’t hurt to “look.”
Well, evidently it’s not that hard. Pretty quickly I stumbled upon an older couple in MAGNOLIA (my town) that had just found and posted about a tiny kitten they found at the husbands work shop. And of course she was completely irresistible. She was the cutest baby orange kitten I’ve ever seen. And so tiny!
The search was so easy I’m surprised they didn’t just deliver her to our front door. I reached out to them to get some additional information. She was itty bitty, but seemingly healthy and very happy. The couple was very kind and thrilled with my interest. It seemed to be the perfect match. How did my little thought turn into reality so quickly?
I knew I would have to to tell Elysse because we were a little over two weeks from her actual birthday and I wanted her to be 100% that she wanted to take on the responsibility.
My heart was bursting at the thought of blessing her with this baby. When I told her, she was over the moon excited and after thinking for about a SECOND she wanted to meet her.
We wasted no time going to visit her and it was love at first sight. I cannot explain the joy I felt when I saw the light and sheer happiness in her beautiful blue eyes. It was the kind of joy you want to bottle up and keep forever. I felt so blessed to be able to gift something so special to her on her 16th birthday. My heart was so full.
On the car ride to bring her to her new home, Lyssy named her Phoebe and all in the world felt very right. Lyssy was madly in love. She treated Phoebe like a newborn child. She coddled her and held her like a baby. The interaction and chemistry between them was so touching. For what seemed like the first time, I saw a very nurturing side to Lyssy. Watching them even brought tears to my eyes. It was so beautiful. Phoebe was such a divine gift.
We took her home on that Friday and on Saturday morning we set out to get her shots at a local mobile vet.
Phoebe was acting different that Saturday evening but we didn’t think that much about it. We thought maybe it was just the immunizations causing her to be a little off. After waking up Sunday morning, she began having full-blown seizures. After she had a couple I knew immediately that we needed to get her to the emergency vet.
Lyssy and I, extremely heavy hearted, rushed her there. It was so hard to hold her little body in our hands while all this was happening. We felt so helpless and fearful of the worst. That car ride was horrific. Fear of the worst consumed us.
On a sidenote, when Lyssy was eight or nine years old, I bought her a kitten from a lady, who we later found out, was running a kitten mill. The kitten we bought for her came home and started getting very sick. We had to take him back to the woman we purchased him from. That’s when I found out she had been selling a lot of sick kitties. The kitten almost died in our hands on our trip back to the lady. That was what I was deeply hoping would not happen. I didn’t want Lyssy to know that her kitten was dying. It was HEARTBREAKING. This made a wound in Lyssy’s heart.
Years later we had a beautiful Maine Coon kitten that we loved dearly. She was stolen from us from workers that worked on our house after it was flooded. They took her on their last day of work and we never saw them again. The owner of the business who was family to the workers denied taking her, so there was nothing we could do. Once again we were left with broken hearts, especially Lyssy’s. That hurt lingered for a very good while. We searched and tried to find her for months. I STILL to this day catch myself looking and hoping.
So this tragedy that was unfolding before us was also bringing to the surface past hurts.
When we got to the ER vet, they took Phoebe back and got her stable. It was going to be a while before she saw the doctor because the doctor was tied up in another emergency. We waited a few hours completely sick to our stomachs. In the meantime, just getting her stabilized already cost me a few hundred dollars. This was before she even saw the doctor.
My daughter. The look in her eyes. The silence while we waited. The nurse who kept checking on us that was genuinely kind but wasn’t offering us much hope. Her heart hurt with ours.
After hours of waiting, the doctor finally came to see us.
At home, my family was waiting on us to celebrate my son’s 20th birthday. Not being there was very hard on top of everything else.
The news the doctor gave us was not good as to be expected. She said that Phoebe needed a procedure done for her seizures that was going to cost nearly $2,000, but that even after the procedure there were no guarantees that Phoebe would survive. I felt like vomiting. The voice in my head kept whispering, “16th birthday present” over and over and over.
It felt like a living nightmare.
The doctor told us that I would need to decide whether to put Phoebe down or to proceed with the procedure. She kindly told us to take a few miutes to decide.
I had to go outside. The reality was so hard to process. I felt nauseous. Phoebe was so perfect. I kept thinking this cannot be happening. It was so surreal. Lyssy was turning 16 and the whole story of her and Phoebe was so beautiful. We were gutted.
We went outside to sit in the car and to process and talk about what to do, even though we both already knew deep inside what had to happen. The doctor had alluded to the fact that she probably wouldn’t make it.
The anger and sadness I felt was almost unbearable. My baby was hurting and that KILLED me. I wanted to hurt someone for causing her to have to feel that pain but there was no one to hurt.
I sat down on the ground beside my car sobbing violently, bawling my eyes out. I sat there and let out what I was feeling inside. Lyssy was right beside me feeling utter grief, deep deep pain, and disbelief, but didn’t say a word. I gathered myself long enough to get up and get inside the car and we just sat in silence. “Sweet 16 birthday present” was playing over and over in my mind. Death was knocking at our door, as it has a way of doing, and we had no choice but to walk through it.
“No, no, no…” I kept saying to God. “NO! This CANNOT be her memory!” I was so angry and sad.
I was wiping snot and tears as we sat there. I was tormented by the pain I knew SHE was feeling.
Right there in the middle of that awful, awful, gut wrenching moment, God put a rainbow in the sky.
The sky was clear. The sun was setting. And a rainbow…
A RAINBOW.
Sitting in my car with Lyssy, the silence was so loud, and mentally I was just in such a dark place. I looked at the rainbow in disbelief. I said out loud, “A RAINBOW, God! WHAT does that even mean right now!?”
The power of that rainbow had yet to penetrate my heart, but it had definitely landed there. There was a comfort He was giving us brewing. I was just so stuck in hurting right then.
I knew He wanted my attention but there in that moment I was too deplete to give my attention to anything or anyone. I just needed to be sad and I needed to help my baby, yet I felt so helpless.
We had to take a deep breath, walk inside, and tell them to put Phoebe down. I could hardly let the words out of my mouth. It was devastating.
The drive home was a blur.
My son’s birthday dinner and cake was a blur. I was numb with grief. I was grieving the loss of something so perfect, and I was grieving for the pain and disappointment I knew my baby was feeling. It killed me. I kept thinking it was all my fault. All the what if’s were haunting me. What did I do wrong? Could I have done something differently? Could I have protected her from this? Should I not have gotten her immunizations at a mobile vet? Were they wrong about her age? All the things that didn’t make sense, but I just needed answers to why.
The next day felt like a dream. I took Lyssy to school and again it was silence between us. There were just no words for what we were feeling. I wanted to run away with her and do ANYTHING to take her pain away. I started bawling the second she closed the door. I wanted her with me so I could nurture and love her.
I had wanted THIS birthday to be so special yet this was our reality. Death is brutal.
The next few days felt so sad and we were just going through all the routine motions.
I had to make this RIGHT somehow.
I became determined to find another kitten but I didn’t tell Elysse right away. I knew what she would say no and I knew she wasn’t ready.
I also started really thinking about that rainbow. I was hurting but I was desperately needing my Papa’s comfort. I KNEW I had to hand over this hurt to Him. Because I know that His love sets me free.
He was right there in the middle of our pain, we were just too hurt to acknowledge Him. I began praying and leaning into Him. He has been nothing but faithful to me my entire life. He has calmed every storm and redeemed every hard thing I’ve walked through. He is the REDEEMER, the HEALER, and the COMFORTER in EVERY big and small detail of our lives if we give Him our hearts. I had to EXPECT God’s goodness. I had to shift my vision off the disappointment and onto His faithfulness. I had NO REASON not to trust Him.
After a few days of praying and looking, I went to Lyssy one morning to wake her for school and nervously told her that I had been looking. She said, “NO mom.” I got on my knees and desperately said, “Yes, you have to” as I held back tears. “You HAVE to because I cannot live with myself with THIS being your story. I can’t live with this being your 16th birthday memory. “Please??” I begged. “For me?”
I told her she was too good of a mommy to NOT have a kitten, and has too much love to give. I begged her to not let fear win and keep her from loving. Her love is too precious to be forced into hiding in fear. I couldn’t accept that.
She slowly obliged and told me she would think about it. I was so grateful for that response.
I had researched several kitties for adoption around the Houston area. We never could settle for a specific one. I was working hard as I wanted her to have it before her birthday and time was running out.
We narrowed it down to three kittens. Lyssy even had names for all three. Unfortunately, each one of those three had reasons that they were not the one.
THEN, after searching, and searching, and searching, I found a kitty that felt perfect. There were no health issues, no setbacks, no special requirements. The only requirement was that we drive to a Pets Mart down in Houston to meet her before anyone else did. We had to be the first. This was it. After strenuously looking, this felt so right and the date was one day away from Elysse’s 16th birthday.
I was praying with all my heart pleading to God for this kitten to be special. We needed a miracle. I begged. I knew I was taking a big risk asking my baby to open her heart again. I deeply longed for redemption and healing for her spirit. I needed to see God in this adoption. I needed Him to lead us. I needed to know I was doing the right thing. This would be the kitty that was the rainbow after the storm. This would be Elysse’s rainbow baby.
I picked her up from school and we drove down to Houston just her and I. We were so anxious, nervous AND excited. Honestly we were a ball of emotions. But mostly we couldn’t wait to meet her!
When we anxiously walked up to the kittens it took us a few seconds to find “Quinn” in the commotion of her siblings. When we found her she was sweetly laying in her bed while her siblings were full of energy and playing.
The bed she was laying on, as if she was patiently awaiting our arrival, was covered in RAINBOWS.
It’s hard to explain what we felt when we saw the rainbows on her bed. It was insane. Anytime I know God is showing us the way in these sort of details, it still to this day completely blows my mind. It’s what my heart longs for. We knew without a doubt that she was meant to be.
Lyssy is the queen of names, and named her rainbow baby Winter. From the start, Winter has been an angel with BIG personality. She is the sweetest most talkative kitty and she is our gift.
Thanks to our Father, Lyssy opened her heart to risk love again and it is now filled. Winter was made for her. My gratefulness to God is overflowing. To watch this unfold, to watch beauty from ashes and to experience it, has changed my life and my perspective of going through loss of any sort.
I have witnessed and experienced God’s faithfulness in my life, time, and time, and time, again. I wrote this story to encourage someone out there that God is present in our pain and in our losses. He is present waiting to lead, love, comfort, and heal. Sometimes we feel like He is absent in our pain but it’s usually because we fail to acknowledge His presence and His response is to patiently wait.
A couple of weeks after we had to put Phoebe down I had to take my red retriever to the vet. When we were leaving the receptionist said, “Mrs. Hall, did you put your kitty down at the emergency vet? I am so sorry for your loss.”
A little surprised I replied, “Yes, ma’am, how did you know that?”
She said, “The emergency vet sent a card for us to give to you.” Then she handed me the card. It was a sympathy card. It was so kind of them.
I pulled the card out of the envelope and it was covered in rainbows.
Every employee from their office had written condolences.
Amidst my tears I shared our story with the two front office ladies and they both started crying. I shared how GOOD our God (my Papa) is. His love overwhelms my heart.
Our little story is realms away from being ANYTHING like losing a baby or child. But I believe that is the beauty of having a relationship with our Father. He comes so close to us in ANY severity of pain. Great loss and small. He will comfort them ALL.
I have no idea what I ever did to deserve so much love. The TRUTH is that I didn’t do anything. This is His nature for me AND for you. This is WHY I’ve learned to expect His goodness. He is so faithful and He IS SO GOOD.
“We are going to navigate lots of pain in this life but we cannot take our eyes off Jesus.”
~Levi Lusko
PROMISE~
“He will bless us when we are broken-hearted with His presence.”
“One day Jesus said to his disciples, “Let’s get in a boat and go across to the other side of the lake.” So they set sail, and soon Jesus fell asleep. But a fierce wind arose and became a violent squall that threatened to swamp their boat. Alarmed, the disciples woke Jesus up and said, “Master, Master, we’re sinking! Don’t you care that we’re going to drown?” With great authority Jesus rebuked the howling wind and surging waves, and instantly they became calm. Then Jesus said to them, “Why are you fearful? Have you lost your faith in me?” Shocked, they said with amazement to one another, “Who is this man who has authority over winds and waves that they obey him?””
Luke 8:22-25 TPT
I studied this scripture the other day and wanted to record and share my thoughts. I’m pretty much thinking out loud. The passage inspired me to recall my own experiences of catching sight of threatening storms that have suddenly popped up in my life. The ones that threaten to sink what I know Jesus has called me to.
Have you ever met someone so full of God’s peace that you can almost touch and feel it or “experience” it with your senses? I think this passage is a picture of how that is attainable with practice, believing, and trust. My goal is to immediately see trouble as an invitation to view it as an opportunity to practice my faith.
Jesus is going somewhere and invites you to go with Him. I don’t know about you, but whether the assignment is seemingly hard or exciting, when I know who is Captain and leading me, I instinctively know I can be brave and step into it for His will to be done. I KNOW He is in my boat even though with my natural eyes I cannot see Him. He’s IN IT! He is IN the situation WITH me. He is just quiet! It’s up to me to make my thoughts go to Him. Yet sometimes I doubt.
Soon enough something pops up that catches my vision. A threat to my smooth sailing assignment. Someday, I will arrive at not even flenching and being that person who is oozing with peace, but until I get there, I desperately look to Jesus to save me, who is unmoved by this threatening distraction.
As I look to Him in a semi panic “wondering” how on earth PEACE and CALM can reckon with this dire situation, I call out to Him with my worry and fear. He wakes and rebukes the storm. He tells it a stern NO, and He looks at me and I at Him and with the kindest and most gentle voice He ask, “Erin, where is your faith right now?”
I’m left in awe and wonder as He is waiting for my response.
As He lifts my chin and I gaze into His eyes, my heart sinks a little in disappointment of my lack of faith, but His warm hypnotizing love consumes me. The storm was stripped of power by His firm NO. Again, I’m left in awe of His authority.
I am feeling like WHY on earth did I not turn to Him to start with? I know better. Why did I let fear take root? I know who is in my boat. I know WHO can speak and calm bad storms. In fact, I can say NO in MY heart as I remember who I am and STILL the storm just like Him because He is inside of me.
The trick is putting more faith and trust into what I don’t see, rather than what I do.
That was my opportunity to practice what I KNOW in SPITE of what I see. Instead of scolding me Jesus embraces and encourages me with truth. He reminds me of how much He loves me. Of course THEN I remember ALL He has done for me and ALL I’ve seen Him do. I’ve witnessed His authority and I’ve seen His miracles.
“Erin, who will you BELIEVE?” Is etched on my heart. My fear disappears. His love has me captivated.
“ I choose You, Lord,” I say in my thoughts.
Maybe next time when something is seemingly threatening my journey, I will tell it a stern no. I will rebuke it in my mind and go to Jesus. I will think about His promises and desire to make Him proud as I make them mine and BELIEVE them. I will imagine the victory in the outcome. I will celebrate in my heart that I am His. I’m chosen and protected no matter what. His love will cast out the fear.
And just maybe I will be celebrating Jesus so wildly, celebrating all He is to me and all He has done for me, while DANCING on the boat! Dancing in His presence. Dancing so free like a child in the rain soaked in His love that I don’t even notice the storm that is all around me.
The rain will let up. The yellow sun will gently peak through the clouds. Full of joy, drenched in love, I will walk over and lay down by Jesus and fall fast asleep as a rainbow stretches across the sky.
I’ve heard this from my daughter Elysse probably 20 times since she started reading, Open.
When the book gets mentioned it sets her mind in motion to tell Mike and I another clip of the story and say with zeal how much of an amazing writer he is! Her mind is blown.
Mike and I smile at all her stories and our hearts smile because of her passion. She reminds me so much of myself.
Each time she persist that we MUST read it, we both promise her that we will. With all this build up, neither of us can wait!
One night before buying the book for her I was outside by myself looking up at the full moon and having a conversation with my Pop’s.
I had this knowing that He was telling me something about the moon.
As I walked back inside I had the familiar feeling that I have had a million times that it was my time to seek out what He was telling me.
“Seek me and you will find Me.” This is one of my favorite promises. Oh how I love seeking and love even more the finding.
I sat in my thinking chair contemplating and the first thing I thought of was to look inside the book on my side table called Last Supper On The Moon by Levi Lusko. I opened it to a random page and began reading.
The page was 151 and he just happened to be talking about “tennis”. My attention perks up a little because tennis is a loved sport in our home and one of my daughter Elysse’s passions.
Briefly Levi mentions that he hasn’t read very many books that he’s enjoyed more than the autobiography, Open. I have been listening to Levi for years now and I know that’s a powerful statement because he is an AVID book reader to say the least.
Right in that second I knew this was what the creator of the stars was leading me too. I knew it was by NO COINCIDENCE so I said, “Well ok then… Lyssy has to read this book.” And in that moment my heart was content.
I looked it up and ordered it for her. I waited a bit and gifted it to her on Easter thinking many times as I waited how special it was that God wanted her to read it. He completely melts my heart.
Lyssy devoured the book and after finishing already wants to read it again.
We told one of her tennis coaches, that we highly esteem, about her starting it and he responded that he’s read it a “few times” and needs to read it again.
This is one of the many tiny ways that God leads.
You see God deeply desires relationship with Him. Back and forth conversations. A joyful desire to hear each other. Confessions, secrets, promises, advice, adoration, guidance, wisdom, presence, and one of my favorites just listening. Things get birthed, things get healed, Heaven invades earth!
To me it’s the most exhilarating thing about LIFE. That God, the Father, would care about little ol’ me and also about all the minuscule details in my life.
It has NOTHING to do with going to church, attending a Bible study, or how much you pray. Those are amazing things but friends, He was seeking me and loving me far before I ever returned my love and devotion to Him. I was actually doing a lot of wrong things when I began feeling this tug of war on my heart. I began feeling conviction for the things I knew were wrong and a conviction to follow. I did instinctively know that His way was THE WAY.
He gave me love and grace and that love and grace eventually brought me to my knees to surrender. It was never about doing all the things to get His love. He already loved me. He loved me so much and kept seeking my attention for years. He never stopped even when I would deny His way. This relentless love broke me. It brought me to the place to surrender my own way of living.
I never intended to write this. It just all bubbled up out of nowhere. Maybe someone just needs to know that you are fiercely loved right where you are and God wants you to walk through this life WITH Him and set free from every single thing that binds you.
The Holy Spirit is also convicting my heart that our Father loving us this way, in the middle of our brokenness, is how we should love others. They may fail us time and time again, but our relentless love that never gives up on them is powerful. This love is possible once we realize how it’s the love we’ve received.
Love is a weapon.
I’m not at all saying to do this in an unhealthy and unsafe situation. Be wise and have boundaries, but know this kind of love is the way that helps others eyes be open to truth.
Wow! I ventured off of my topic. The bottom line is that our Heavenly Father loves us so much with no agenda that He might subtly suggest to you to read a really good book just for your pure enjoyment.
It is the 7th anniversary of my dad’s passing. Just as years past He comforts me with an overwhelming presence and feeling of love. I read through all my old post about my dad and the things I’ve learned since He left this temporary place.
When I got in my car to take Lyssy to school at 6:30, instead of listening to an album I looked up a song to play to start my day that reminds me of the season of losing my dad. It’s called, “Better Life.” After we listened to it Lyssy played a couple songs before I dropped her off.
When I got in my car to drive to work since it wasn’t playing an album a random song from all my hundreds of downloaded songs began playing and it immediately brought tears to my eyes. It’s a country song and if you knew my dad you know his passion was country music. He was a country music disc jockey for a good amount of time.
The song that came on was called “Beer With Jesus…” a country song that I love. I immediately felt God giving that to me. In the song he talks about asking Jesus if his mom and daddy were alright and if it’s not too much trouble to tell them he said hi. That got me.
But aside from that, the “whole” meaning of the song touches my heart.
As if that wasn’t enough the next song to come on was a Christian song that I love called “Steady Heart.” I listened to the words and let them sink in. Papa began speaking to me about my life.
I had to sit in my car for a bit before walking into work and let all the warmth of His love settle in my heart. He orchestrated those RANDOM songs to speak to me on this special day.
I mentioned how this never ever happens because I’m ALWAYS listening to an album but today it just “happened.”
After work I ran into the grocery store for some things and as I started driving home “Raise A Hallelujah” came on this time. My car was still “shuffling” music. I hadn’t heard this song in ages and one of the main verses says, “death is defeated the King is alive!”
Realizing this too was a gift from Papa I was singing, shouting at the top of my lungs, and crying driving down 1488.
His faithfulness to me leaves me undone. And it never stops. It’s like sitting under a waterfall. He just never stops pouring out love.
I text my daughter and told her that the Holy Spirit was my dj today.
I got to talk to my brother this evening which doesn’t happen nearly enough but is always so special.
Then as I was washing my face for bed Mike was setting his alarm with his country music to wake him and the old country song, “Seein My Father In Me” was blaring.
My heart lept in my chest. I couldn’t believe it.
I was trying to explain to my family what God had been doing all day but it’s like trying to tell someone about your crazy dream. They just don’t get the depth of what your saying or feeling.
After that I made a beeline to my bookshelf to pull out my 7 year old Through The Eyes Of A Lion. I’ve read it countless times but it’s been ages since I’ve picked it up. I wanted to intentionally open it up and read at least a paragraph before going to bed in honor of this day and all that God has done for me.
My kitty Sunday (which was adopted on the very day, a Sunday, that my daddy died) was ready to lay on my lap in bed which rarely happens because she wakes me up if I allow her in my room at bedtime. Tonight it just seemed fitting for her to be on me.
I opened my book to a random page to read at least a nugget before going to bed. I opened to the very page, a page with no bookmark or anything holding its place, page 52 with the verse and story of the verse that literally tattooed me.
I had it tattooed on my hip a few years ago.
I sat with Sunday on my lap and my book in my hand in disbelief and awe.
It doesn’t get better than this…
Except that when I was swiping out of Instagram and Levi Lusko popped up before swiping up and he was speaking about what comforted him when his Lenya passed away was a verse when Jesus said, “Today, YOU WILL be with me in Paradise.”
Our Creator who created the moon and stars aligns the details of our everyday lives to communicate His love for us and to lead us. After writing this and when I close my eyes, I am feeling more loved than ever.
When Lilly is sick and feeling her absolute worst she has me pray over her continuously. She even prays out loud over herself. It’s a pretty demanding I know you can heal me Lord so do it!
When she was very sick here recently after praying over her I whispered sweetly in her ear when she was frustrated with why she wasn’t better…
“Mommy believes sometimes that God doesn’t cause our sickness but that just like storms in our lives that he might be allowing us to be in them so that we might look to him. I believe sometimes he wants us to slow down and be in the present moment. Exit our fast cycle of living. Take inventory on what’s right in front of us. Rest. Be still. Listen. Let others nurture us.”
She listened intently then drifted off to sleep.
A couple of weeks ago I was very sick. I suffered a brutal virus that I’m still fighting getting over.
One day I was still feeling pretty yucky but had to go to work. Lilly felt bad for me and I asked her if she would pray for my day. She placed her hand on my head and prayed. And right after her prayer she sweetly said, “Mommy, remember that God might want you to slow down today. Just move slow and trust him. Pay close attention to all that is around you and know he is with you.”
Insert a hundred crying emojis.
Time stood still as I gazed in her big brown eyes in disbelief of the beautiful words that fell out of her mouth and seared my heart. They were exactly the words I needed to hear.
The Holy Spirit has spoken through this child to me more times than I can count now. Her spiritual insight is off the charts.
Lilly deeply desires to have an identity with a sport or talent. A visible gift. She looks up to her older siblings who are very gifted and wants to “have gifts” as they have had. No doubt they set the bar high. Each of their gifts have been very evident. I too have watched them in innocent envy myself. But mark my words. ONE of Lilly’s most valuable gifts isn’t as easily seen as the gifts and talents we are used to seeing. It’s a sacred gift that can’t even be measured by earthly standards. She is very much a typical 9 year old little girl but she is also a vessel being greatly used by the Holy Spirit. I’ve witnessed it since she was a baby.
She may not understand now or even be grateful for this sacred gift yet but oh what a gift to me to get to watch God use her and to watch this blossom.
A couple of days ago when I was getting ready for work I watched my very loved watch take its last tick. And then when I went to put on my VERY loved and favorite angel ring that I wear everyday I noticed it was broken. This was all at the same TIME.
When Lilly got home from school and I told her that they both broke at the same time, she immediately said with her eyes as big as quarters, “OH MY GOSH! I wonder what that means?! I wonder what God is telling you?”
Just that response means everything to me. She is alert to heavens movements. She knows God is always speaking and loves to get our attention through little signs. Sometimes when we are alerted it’s him speaking and sometimes it isn’t but what matters is that we are always tuned in and always seeking.
It was such a gift to me to hear her say those words.
Lilly Belle you may not see your gifts but I do and they are divine and so inspiring. One day you will see them too and know how blessed you are. Just keep your eyes on Jesus, keep looking to Heaven, and keep being an amazing little fireball full of energy and life. I love you more than you will ever know.
When we align our thoughts and our minds with God’s promises we align ourselves with not our own wishes but with God’s plan and purpose. His Will.
We believe the promises regardless of what we see. When we believe in what we cannot see we become enabled to be used for His greater good.
This is how we bring Heaven to earth!
We are His children and we don’t have to see evidence. We believe in His truth and promises! His promises anchor our minds to truth no matter what we are walking through in life. They sustain us and protect us.
Once upon a time I was a teenager in an algebra class taught by a coach. At a point in that time I was frustrated trying to understand and make sense of algebra in general but that day with a specific problem. I didn’t understand the equation and was deeply bothered at the basic fact that a letter equaled a number. I kept asking, “but, WHY?” My coach said, “it just DOES, there is no WHY? You can’t ask WHY!”
Basically I just had to understand that a letter DID equal a number and if I accepted THAT I could solve the equation.
That coach being a little frustrated at me is burned into my memory. Also the fact that I have a need for logic.
Nothing about God and His promises are logical. If nothing is impossible for Him then His ways supersede our logical minds. We have to trust and believe even when it doesn’t seem logical. Things are seldom as they seem.
So we have FAITH. We stand on the TRUTH we are choosing to believe in but do not SEE how it’s going to work.
I just trust that if I BELIEVE His promise it true, my thoughts about that truth and about Him are leading me in His WILL for my life. It may not be the outcome I was hoping for. It’s not MY Will but HIS will.
He never fails. He never loses. What happens in our lives on earth we may never make sense of. But one thing we can bank on is that He loves us. And we will bare the amazing fruit of His Spirit if we fully trust, obey, and follow Him.
Abraham trusted Gods promise before he saw anything come to pass. In fact some things he NEVER saw but because of his trust in the promise WE are still living out. He was a willing vessel for God’s will to flow through. The promise superseded him! His belief and trust to believe what he couldn’t see caused Heaven to move on this earth. He believed and obeyed therefore he caused God’s will to be done through His life. Promises keep us safe. They keep our minds safe and our hearts pure. But we can never use them to manipulate and have our own way. No way is better than God’s.
What our posture should be is, “God I believe in your promise so much that I know believing and living it is doing something so profound for your Kingdom even when I can’t see it or might not EVER see it come to pass. My faith is large and I trust in your perfect plan.” BELIEVE it! Make it yours!
Trust in His promise like your livelihood depends on it, because it does. When we dwell in Him His word protects us and leads us. His promises anchor our thought life. And His word brings LIFE to our bones.
We believe even though we do not see. This is faith.
“And as Jesus rose up out of the water, the heavenly realm opened up over him and he saw the Holy Spirit descend out of the heavens and rest upon him in the form of a dove.”
Matthew 3:16 TPT
The reward of giving God your attention is MORE of Him!
Yesterday, my spirit was exploding. It’s this feeling I get when I have heightened awareness that God is moving in my life. He’s ALWAYS present, but sometimes He moves to the realm of encounter.
I’ve learned to be expectant of these encounters. I actually think if we are ALWAYS expectant, and we are open to them, we could have them more frequently. This is something I deeply desire. I have a knowing in my soul that this is my purpose and calling.
This little testimony began with a book I KNEW I was supposed to read.
God started speaking to me through it from the get go.
Its been as if the book is some mysterious clue, revelation, or even affirmation to how God moves in my life, and how He speaks to me.
I’m so thankful for the Holy Spirit’s prompting to read it.
Yesterday I felt God speaking to me so clearly that the entire morning it was if I was walking in a dream. I LIVE for these moments. I’ve said it before but the weight of His presence is so heavy sometimes that I feel like my spirit wants to burst from my mortal skin.
I was still having these feelings as I was out and about shopping. Before heading home I last was pulling into Kroger and as my car turned into the parking lot by a tree, a beautiful WHITE dove flew right up and over my car. It was if time stood still or I was seeing it in slow motion as I watched it. It was like all the pictures you see of the dove resting upon Jesus as He arose from His baptism. My daughter, Lyssy, and I often see doves and think it’s so special. Our hearts are tender to them, but never have we seen anything like this beautiful white dove.
“New Life. Holy Spirit. Peace. Rest.”
All those words just came to me as I was remembering what I saw.
I turned the corner pulling into a parking space completely in awe of the dove KNOWING it was God speaking to me. Knowing He was showing me love. Knowing He was breaking through a human “reality and logic” to reveal Himself to me. I’ve had plenty of these encounters where I stand in awe, but this one was super symbolic and meant something.
I got out of my car and immediately heard a woman crying and/panicking. I came around my car and saw a very pretty Hispanic lady holding a beautiful baby boy coming from the passenger side of her very nice black SUV. She was trying to open the doors on that side of her vehicle.
She approached me panicking saying that she had locked EVERYTHING in her car. Phone, purse, baby stuff, everything. She was frantically begging me to please help.
Definitely not an encounter you have everyday or ever.
I will never know why she was so emotional about it, but I calmed her down and assured her I would help her.
The baby even though his mommy was crying had the most beautiful smile and the most beautiful eyes.
I asked her if she first needed to call someone with my phone. As I was asking and she was crying she made her way back to the driver car door and reached for the door and…it opened.
The woman’s panic then quickly turned from fear to disbelief. Her face turned to look at me. Her crying turned to tears of overwhelming joy. She was still in a state of “freaking out” and she kept saying loudly while crying, “it was locked! it was locked!” She came right up to me and put her hand on me and said, “it was locked!!”
She stared into my eyes and said with all seriousness, “are you an angel?”
I stood just taking in the fleeting seconds trying to figure it all out in my mind. What it all meant. What the dove meant. What God wanted to say to this lady. What He wanted me to say to this lady. What He was saying to me?
All I knew to say was that, “no I’m not an angel, but as I was pulling into the parking lot God showed me a beautiful white dove and I had a feeling there was more to it. Then only seconds later lead me to you.” I thought to myself maybe me seeing that dove will be a connection to God speaking to her now or someday. I just knew I had to be faithful to telling her. I had no clue what it meant but needed to release it to her.
She emotionally thanked me a million times as I hugged her and walked away.
After that whole scene I felt a spiritual high the whole time I was shopping. The high didn’t end until I came home and told my husband and son with the giddiness of a child and neither of them seemed even a little touched. I think the only response was, “wow, that’s weird.”
I felt gutted.
So I in my flesh immediately felt deflated. My priceless encounter as many others I have had, I would keep to myself. The encounter was too costly and too special to be unappreciated by people I tell. I’ve learned the hard way that some stories and testimonies are treasures to hold in my heart and not release.
This morning, though, I felt the Holy Spirit tell me to write it out and put it on my blog. I cannot let human responses dictate my obedience to writing or sharing revelation or encounters. I originally and immediately wanted to go and tell just out of sheer joy, so sharing on my blog is being obedient to that feeling regardless of responses or likes.
God is so good! I beg Him for MORE! More encounters! More revelation! He sets my soul on fire.
What I gather from experience is that these encounters are rich with symbolism and meaning. I believe it’s our calling to dig deep into what they mean or what God is revealing to you. Encounters release love, healing, revelation, hope, peace, and make you keenly aware of all the connecting dots in your life. I believe the more we are hungry for the things of God the more we are aware of the veil being torn and realization that we can walk with Him daily, just enjoying Him, or being used by Him to help others.
We lay our lives down for this priceless benefit and to experience the glory of His presence. Heaven on Earth!
This morning the Holy Spirit sweetly reminded me that I had seen that baby boy in my dreams the night before and had faithfully written it down before I saw him yesterday.
He is speaking through everything! We MUST have our hearts and eyes open! We have to make ourselves available!
Eyes Of A Lion 