The Gift of Grace

God told me a couple of months ago that He was training me and to TRUST Him. I wrote the words down in my notebook as I always do when I hear His voice. To hear Him speak is the deepest longing in my heart.

The last few weekends I have clearly seen Him giving me opportunity after opportunity to walk in what He has taught me. Or you could say “opportunities” to RESPOND in how He has “trained” me. I’m going to share with you one of those divine opportunities.

The weekend before Easter weekend some things happened that disrupted our flow of this busy life. It involved one of my kids, and my husband and I were faced with how to handle the situation.

It involved some tough love where lessons had to be taught and lessons are learned.

It’s the little things that rock our safety

nets, and rattle us, that help us to grow.

Within that parenting and thoughts on how to handle it I began hearing LIES.

I was hearing how all my efforts of parenting were a joke to my children. How disillusioned I was to think they actually respected me. How that my husband doesn’t respect me and thinks my efforts at parenting are a joke to him as well. How they snicker and roll their eyes behind my back.

I was hearing that I was wasting my time even trying. How could I possibly think I was building trust with my child? What a fool I was!

I felt like my heart was crushed and I felt humiliated that I would think they actually loved and respected me.

Notice how all these lies are centered on ME.

All the while hearing these lies I began slipping into a familiar dark place of bitterness, anger, resentment, and pride and I had to literally “will” myself away to a private spot and wage war against my mind.

I was feeling all kinds of “feelings.” Pretty safe to say I was being tempted into self pity. I KNEW better.

I’ve been trained to FIGHT. I knew who had the VICTORY. I knew they were lies ALL from the pit of hell. But reality was I couldn’t shake those overwhelming “feelings.”

I had to take my little one to gymnastics and I was wading in prayer the whole way there. I was declaring promises. I was thinking about all I knew to be true. But these dark “feelings” wouldn’t lift. I said to the Lord, “Lord, if I could I would cut those feelings out and throw them away. I know the TRUTH! They just won’t go away and I’m trying to make them!” Those feeling came from YEARS of lies being believed. I had heard them over and over and had believed them. They had defeated me too many times to count. They had tortured me. They had blinded me. They had controlled me. But THEN as I was fighting, as I was praying and declaring, and remembering, I had a VISION of Jesus and began hearing scripture and in a frozen precious moment I said YES! Okay Lord! I receive it! I knew exactly what to do and it became activated within me.

Tears began welling up. And in the exact same precious moment, Lilly quiet in the backseat began playing a song with words so divine for that very moment. “Under the glow of the very bright lights, I turn my face towards the warm night skies.” “Oh I used to think, what I wouldn’t give, for a moment like this, this moment this gift.” “Now look at me and this opportunity! Standing right in front of me!” Tears began falling down my face and I realized that moment for me was sacred. Papa had been making me a warrior and this was my time. I said YES! YES Lord! And the weight of His word, the weight of His Spirit as I crucified my flesh for Him, BURST through the darkness.

The “feelings” I felt COMPLETELY lifted. The joy in my heart exploded and my tears turned to a crying laughter! I was so overwhelmed and so full that I could’ve done a backflip. And on cue, the end of the song played with the words, “My big opportunity, I won’t waste it, I guarantee.”

Within the darkness of my yuck that I’ve carried for years the power of light came in like a rushing river and devoured years of lies and whispers that I once believed. That was my opportunity to crush them and to walk in authority over them and I didn’t waste it. I felt so triumphant that feelings didn’t win that war.

I felt Papa beaming that I FINALLY after all these years had a breakthrough. I felt His proudness. I imagine myself running into His arms and squeezing Him to death with gratitude in my heart overflowing for all He has given me and taught me.

I felt so victorious. The truth is Jesus had the victory the WHOLE time. My mind was keeping me from claiming the truth and victory that was rightfully mine. It’s imperative our minds be RENEWED by His word. Its imperative we surrender. When I turned my attention to Him, I began envisioning Him, and thinking about what HE did for me and thinking about how he went to the cross. Thinking about how focused and submitted He was to doing His Fathers will.

( I knew this was what I had to do.) Thinking about how he was betrayed, denied, and crucified… so that the HOLY SPIRIT could break through the enemy’s grip on our lives and bring VICTORY to moments like THIS! Thank you Jesus!

Every cell in my body worships Him. I’m getting fired up all over again thinking about it! This FREEDOM is why He DIED for us! We don’t deserve it. And we certainly didn’t earn it.

I was able to SEE how this was an opportunity for me to overcome with authority and to GIVE the grace I’ve been given.

The power was in my response. My response to this little bump in the road was important.

Because of this breakthrough I was able to step in to my calling of WHO God created me to be. I was able to lead and parent out of grace and forgiveness from wholeness instead of reacting out of my own brokenness.

This is so important.

Love came in. Fear and lies went out.

I chose to receive love and to give love despite “feelings” and impulses.

I chose THE WAY.

No matter what anyone says or does to you, choose love. No matter what your feelings are telling you, choose love.

God wants more than anything is to make His children whole, and for us to live in our identity in Him.

That’s why He sent His son and Jesus is the answer to everything.

I’m still in a season of rest.

This season for me has been all about receiving His grace and breaking my pattern of works to please Him.

It hasn’t been easy, but all the while Papa has walked with me. He’s been training me.

He’s given me divine dreams and shown me intimately how He sees me. He’s helped me hear His voice more clearly and shown me how I was created and made to do so. He given me promises to cling to and to declare.

He’s shown me my brokenness and how

He was pursuing me even when I was deliberately disobeying Him.

He’s always been pursuing me.

His love for me has NOTHING to do with what I’ve done or haven’t done.

GRACE.

It’s everything.

I don’t deserve it. And I could never earn it.

I’ll stay in this humble position under the waterfall of His grace all of my days.

So in essence always “resting” in His love. That’s why His burden is light.

I choose to astonish those around me with the way I carry this GRACE that’s been given to me.

It’s my greatest gift and His love and my love are my greatest weapons.