Divinely Reminded

God speaks to me in several ways, but one way He speaks to me a lot is through dreams.

Last night I had a very powerful/intense dream in which I woke from a few different times. When I would fall back asleep the dream would continue.

In my dream I was put back into my life before being saved.

A life of sin.

All things that felt and seemed good, but offered no promises.

It was so real and so beyond awful that I could barely endure it.

It was my life before following Jesus and although it wasn’t an exact replica of my actual life, scenarios were very similar.

It was so dark and scary that I woke up three different times and whispered Jesus name out loud to pierce through the darkness I was walking through.

It was real and it was hell.

It was literally and figuratively a nightmare.

I did not know my identity. I had no real hope or faith. I didn’t know my calling. I was often depressed and turning to “things” and people for happiness, acceptance and fulfillment. I suffered from perfectionism, obsessive compulsive disorder, and an eating disorder due to the way I saw myself. I had control issues due to the lack of control in my life, and ALL this in my dream weighed so heavy on me.

I can’t express in words the heaviness and darkness I felt while seemingly living it again.

God through dreaming allowed me to be taken from the light I’ve found to remember what was once my reality.

I woke up thinking, “Wow! What in the world was that all about?” It felt so real! I had to shake it off.

I didn’t get the revelation until a bit later in my quiet time why I had that experience.

God was allowing me in glimpses to remember what I had been saved from.

He was allowing me to remember how lost I was.

He was allowing me to remember how very much like hell it was to not have a relationship with a Savior, and walk hand in hand with Him daily.

He was letting me feel that hopelessness for a moment so I could wake up and be overwhelmed by the GRACE He’s given me.

He was letting me get a fresh perspective of how loved I am, and how it was never anything I DID or any behavior that earned His grace.

I didn’t deserve any of it.

I remember in my old life before Him knowing what “Christians” were supposed to be and live like, but it did not seem realistic. No one I knew was living their lives THAT WAY except for my grandparents. I knew better but I never surrendered my life. I was a good kid, but I often made terrible decisions and I was suffering internally.

Even after getting saved at nineteen God still had much work to do in my life.

His goal for us is to be restored taking us from glory to glory until we become who He intended us to be from the beginning.

My original blueprint is the image and reflection of Him. He loves us into wholeness. He heals and restores until we get there.

He longs to take us deeper and deeper into revelation of Him and His kingdom bringing that healing to every area of our lives.

After revelation of my dream I was greatly overwhelmed with gratitude and felt so humbled.

On my way to church I daydreamed about this divine humbling experience and was equally blown away that Papa loves me enough to remind me how much He loved me then and how much He loves me still.

He patiently pursued me back then even when I was denying His way over and over.

Then I got to church with all this fresh on my mind. Worshipping and listening to the powerful teaching I was a mess of tears.

I love my church so much.

I love Papa so much.

Communion had never felt so powerful.

I guess Papa knew it would do my heart good and prepare me for that sacred time at church to be reminded of where I came from.

A life without communion with Him again would indeed be my worst nightmare.