A sweet woman kindly asked me to write a little testimony for her for encouragement.
She had posted a quote to which I replied, “Amen, I have experienced that!” She then asked if I would be willing to elaborate. The quote was this,
“Eyes away gives freedom to change. Worry causes it to stay the same. Take eyes off and give to God to change.”
Today while thinking about what to share, the Lord put on my heart to share these simple stories that where the most recent in my life as an example or testimony.
My birthday was earlier this month. I had my daughter on my birthday so for the last 14 years on my birthday I’m always planning hers and thinking of how to make it special.
I should probably tell you that I love making my family feel special on their birthdays because this is how I grew up.
Every single year, especially my 40th, I’m disappointed and heartbroken at my husbands lack of effort at making me feel special.
This year was no different. It came and went and for some irrational reason I felt hurt that I wasn’t celebrated by my other half.
Even writing this I feel emotions churning.
BUT, starting with my 40th, Papa began teaching me something and this year my 42nd it hit home.
My emotions were heavy when I began “feeling” like I’m not worthy of being made to feel special.
I’m not trying to make you feel sorry for me. It has a powerful clincher I promise!
And in those feelings I heard Papa sweetly say,
“Erin, those thoughts and feelings your having are not TRUTH. I want you to give them to me.”
I’m going to insert a side note here. Papa and I have had this little thing we share that when I have the heaviest most hurt gut wrenching feelings, I wrap them up and almost like in a vision , because I can see Him, I hand them over to Him.” I cry every time. With His sweet tender look in His eyes and a with a gentle grin, He takes them from me.
He always in the most kindest way reminds me that my life isn’t about ME. I always feel a ton of weight lifted off of me in that moment.
He wants to be who fulfills our needs and even gives us more than we could’ve imagined. More than any person even our husbands can give.
We have to be patient and know that He wants us fully healed, AND our spouses fully healed. He is working His way in all of us because we are all His dearly loved children.
Satan wants us to be hurt and disappointed and he also wants us to keep record of the wrong and to hold on to a little bit of that bitterness.
We can absolutely NOT do that! We are in a Spiritual battle and we must not play with fire. We have to be absolute in our obedience.
It’s not about us not even on our special day once a year.
The disappointment I was feeling that was replaced with unspeakable joy is something I would never change for the world. I got a taste of heaven by handing that hurt over to Him.
We need our husbands to have God‘s healing and for them to want to celebrate us out of love not because we have made them feel like they have to. We have no control in this matter. It is up to the big guy. But we can pray and love and encourage our husbands.
Papa meets us in our need. He wants to walk with us and be our fulfillment. He can fill us to the extent that we are willing to let go and let Him.
The funny thing is WE are being healed and being made stronger in this whole transaction. We want Him to change them but He’s actually changing and growing us!
Isn’t that just like Him? I love Him so much.
He is renewing our minds. He’s changing OUR patterns.
He tells me to speak life over my situation. To speak and declare truth over what I WAS perceiving until that TRUTH is my reality.
So I said, “ My husband loves me unconditionally. He’s always thoughtful and so extravagantly helpful. He’s an AMAZING father to my children. He carries so much in our marriage. I never doubt his faithfulness and loyalty. He makes me laugh. He is constantly serving me in his own way that I didn’t recognize for a long time.” He’s wonderful in a million ways.
That’s the TRUTH. Those are thoughts I am to meditate on.
If my thoughts are ever about “woe is me” I need to have a moment and ask God how He is viewing what I’m facing. Anytime I make anything about ME I should evaluate the thoughts and discern where they are coming from. (Gal.2:20)
Then He told me that HE is my true fulfillment. He gives fulfillment that no human can give and I need to only find my worthiness in Him. I can’t expect my husband to be my fulfillment. That is putting unrealistic expectations on him.
I’ve learned that sometimes our expectations can come from our own brokenness. We all have it. We have it because we live in a fallen world. I felt affirmed growing up by my parents while I was a little girl by them doing little things to make me feel special. My family was FAR from perfect. But needless to say this was their way. Instead of being fully fulfilled by God growing up, I felt loved by these actions.
Mike did not grow up this way. This has not been a pattern in his entire life. To put this expectation on him would be unfair and unrealistic. It would also be foolish and bit selfish.
I had such a thankful moment with Jesus after He took my garbage, that I could have walked on clouds.
His LOVE is all I need. The joy His love gives me is unspeakable and He celebrates me everyday.
A thought I love to think about is “things are not as they seem.” What we see with our eyes and un-renewed thoughts will try to take us down broken roads, but friends we know THE WAY. We know the way of the cross. We know the upside down kingdom. We know the way of God’s kingdom is not logical. It’s our job to discern those feelings and apply truth to them.
And guess what happens when we choose to look to Jesus?
FREEDOM. Christ died on a cross for our freedom. We are no longer bound to this worlds ways. Thank you, Jesus!!🙌🏻 And not only did this set ME free but it set my husband free as well!!! And he didn’t even know it!😂
The same exact thing happened again just yesterday that I want to share as well.
I was reading a devotion a few days ago that was talking about being jealous and I thought immediately, “ Well that doesn’t apply to me because I’m not a jealous person.”
So I walked off convicted that I wrote it off and so I asked the Holy Spirit to show me if there was any way in me that was rooted in jealousy that He wanted removed.
The next morning my husband did something that caused a reaction in me. ((Should be my red flag!))) It was in regard to one of our children, and immediately I began hearing lies. I won’t lie, I engaged with my feelings and emotions and then moments later I just smiled. I hung my head in realization that THIS is EXACTLY what I asked Him to reveal to me. This was a jealousy based on a lie that I had allowed to fester in my heart.
I repented and asked Him to forgive me. He dug that rooted lie up out of my heart and threw it out. I’m insanely happy but tears flow when I write this because of how good He is to me and how miserably often I get it wrong.
This is why friends we have to walk every moment out with Him step by step. It’s a matter of life and death. We have to be responsible for our thoughts. This is so important. Our thoughts are the spies that determine whether or not we will take a step in faith. They matter so much. We cannot walk by what we see. We must walk by faith and let our faith work its way in us.
When we feel discouraged, hopeless, jealous, angry, hurt… we cannot stay there! We have to look to Jesus and His truth and meditate on the good. That darkness does not belong to Him. We have to find a promise or remember one we already have or find a verse and speak it into our reality!
I’ve been having such revelation about all of this. My heart is burning with passion about it. This is what it looks like to have the Holy Spirit working through our lives. We get ourselves out of the way and let Him have His way in and through us!
If we walk with the Holy Spirit from day to day moment to moment He gives us the grace we need in all things. The fruit of that relationship will grow into LIFE giving fruit and it will overflow to others. And not only that, we get to experience heaven on earth and see a glimpse of what eternity will be.
We will be completely overcome by Love.
I hope my vulnerability in sharing helps someone. I’m learning so much but still have so much to learn!
Eyes Of A Lion 