The other day Mike and I had an argument. I walked away from him with hurt feelings and just a deep longing to feel loved.
I was complaining within myself and asking why it seemed to always be a struggle. Years of STRUGGLE. I was tired of feeling that way. Marriage can be hard and marriage is work.
I went to my chair and prayed and began pouring my heart out to Papa.
Even though I did not FEEL like reading, I went to my devotion about LOVE . I opened it up to the days reading and read the words, “ The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire.”
(My desire was to feel loved and valued.) I heard Him whisper that ((He)) can fulfill that desire I long for, and that I shouldn’t look for it anywhere else than from Him. When I crave it I should run to Him.
I was literally made with this longing on purpose and given only one True fulfillment but …I was given freedom of choice.
Then as I skimmed through (feeling all the sad feelings) a bit reluctant to read, there was paragraph about the Samaritan woman at a well. These words seeped into my soul. “ What He offered her was a drink of soul satisfaction that never quits giving and refreshing. And that is what’s available to you each morning at sunrise and each night before bed, no matter who your spouse is OR WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO YOU. God is your everyday supply of everything you need.”
I sat there overwhelmed feeling His warmth embrace me. “No matter WHAT they have done, He is all I need.” I cried because once again I had forgotten.
Although I had forgotten, when I run to Him, He comforts and reminds me.
I immediately remembered, as I say there in that loving embrace, that ((I )) am crucified. I’M with HIM and no longer in “myself.” I’m here FOR others, and to reveal my Father. Just like Jesus.
My husband is NOT my fulfillment! He CANNOT love me and fulfill me the way Papa does. It’s not about ME anymore, and I had slipped into that fleshly state of “woe is me.”
The truth is that I AM LOVED and this love is more than I could ever imagine or ask for. So why would I desire anything else? Anything else that I desire this love from is desiring pearls when I have a multitude of diamonds.
Papa, took me higher to see what was happening. I asked Him to forgive me as I wiped away the tears. These moments are my opportunities to grow closer to Him. These opportunities allow me to go higher and see what’s happening in my life the way He does and He gives me divine knowledge into what’s happening in the spiritual realm.
This pressure and these circumstances I keep finding myself in AWAKEN me from my slumber. Because of them I’m becoming the warrior He’s calling me to be.
In the crushing of the olives flows the anointed oil. In the crushing of the grapes flows new wine. Coincidence that I’ve had the song New Wine stuck in my head the last couple of weeks?
He reminded me of Job and how he had all the “opportunities”, and Job was faithful.
True faith puts its trust in what it cannot see. But can I tell you a secret? Each time I react in FAITH He SHOWS me the TRUTH of what’s really happening. I feel more comforted and more loved than I could have imagined and the last thing I feel is blind.
I went to bed that night with a grateful heart. I picked up my Bible and read only a few sentences in Matthew before one phrase seared my heart.
“Afterward, the Holy Spirit led Jesus into the lonely wilderness in order to reveal his strength against the accuser by going through the ordeal of testing.”
Matthew 4:1
“The Holy Spirit LED Him INTO” set my heart on fire.
It wasn’t happenstance. The Holy Spirit LED Him! Led Him into “opportunities” to “REVEAL His STRENGTH against the accuser!”
These opportunities are DIVINE. These opportunities make us CLOSER to Him when we choose faith. These opportunities that “seem” awful , are actually our opportunities to grow in faith and supernatural strength.
What Satan means for evil, God makes good for those who love Him. These opportunities make our spiritual vision laser sharp! He transforms it into a tool that strengthens my faith! God uses the STRUGGLE!
I’m still in awe at all the revelations He’s been giving me.
I’m leaving out SO MANY little sacred details. There are too many to list. It’s overwhelming and I chuckle at saying that because I BEG Him for MORE and when He gives it, it feels unbearable. Under the weight of His glory sometimes I feel like I can’t bear it.
For the sake of this story I’m going to jump ahead a bit. The other day I had told Lyssy I would help her find the right Christmas promise for her Christmas rainbows. I was doing my research and not too far into it I “suddenly remembered” my favorite Christmas verse.
I learned it from one of my favorite books Through The Eyes Of A Lion. (Which my son and I just “happen” to be reading right now. His first time and my hundredth).
“Jesus has abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.” 2 Timothy 1:10
That same night after reading my Bible and having the revelation about the Holy Spirit leading , true Life and dying to myself, I also settled in my mind that THIS was the verse Lyssy needed to use for Christmas. Its about why Jesus came to us and why we celebrate His birth and life.
All the revelations He’s giving me are coming full circle.
We don’t die. We continue on living. Our eyes close on this earth only to be opened right back up in eternity where we will live forever. More alive than we’ve ever been.
Living on this earth is literally a blip in our immortal lives. But not only is this about being immortal and heaven being our true home, but I also see how it’s for here on earth as God our Father let’s heavens kingdom invade our lives.
The more we ( our natural man )are crucified with Jesus (death) He brings us into true life as He meant for us to have.
Our eyes close to living for “self” and are opened to live on this earth with heavens reality and spiritual vision.
Jesus died on the cross for us to take hold of what was behind the veil.
It’s our gift.
After Jesus came to be our example to follow we got another gift, the Holy Spirit, to help us follow Him. To help us follow Him all the way to the cross and then be set free to fly after death to self and resurrected life.
Sitting and taking in these truths I nearly said out loud I feel so free. I feel like chains holding me down were broken and I was set free to fly. Fly high above earths order.
The next morning really early I had my sacred quiet time and at the end , before I hit the ground running, I always study promises and choose one that speaks to me to write down to put in Lyssy’s lunch.
Like a neon sign the promise “ You will know the truth (Jesus) and the truth will set you free” stood out to me. I sat in His presence and marveled. My spirit was dancing with joy.
Papa was speaking to me through this promise. “Erin, I’m teaching you these truths so you can be free to fly.”
After a few minutes of soaking in His presence I always look at my Facebook memories. It’s been a habit of mine for years because Papa has spoken to me countless times through them. I go there expecting to hear Him.
The first thing that popped up was a picture of my lion…. with the verse 2 Timothy 1:10.
My heart leaped out of my chest. Like a child I still get overly excited when He speaks and affirms me. For as long as I live I will never stop letting Him be my everything.
Realizing that He was affirming me was another warm embrace. It doesn’t matter what’s going on, what anyone says, how anyone else feels or what their opinion is, when Papa speaks it after falling to my knees, I follow and obey.
This is how He leads me.
I went running that morning nearly running on clouds just completely overwhelmed with His love for me. I started telling Him all the things I was overwhelmingly grateful for; all the things He was orchestrating and doing in my life. For all He was teaching me and speaking to me.
After my run I was taking my shoes off at the table where Lilly’s Jesus Calling was opened and I leaned over to read it. Her devotion is always laid out and it’s another thing I am excited each day to read because He usually speaks to me through it.
I look for Him like a child playing hide and seek with her father. All day I’m filled with excitement as I look in all the places to find Him. My soul yearns for Him. As I was standing there reading after my run, the first thing I read was,
“This is a time of plenty in your life. Your cup overflows with blessings. Enjoy this time— it is My gift to you.”
He astonishes me everyday and in Him I am fulfilled.
Am I willing to patiently persevere these afflictions to have these moments in His presence? Am I willing to drink the cup? Within them secrets are revealed. Healing is found and joy abounds.
My heart cries out a resounding yes!!!! I would give up everything for THIS love. In the midst of my struggle I can find my confidence in His love and presence and I can be assured He’s using it for my good.
Last night I wrestled with posting this. I wrestled with sharing the intimate details of my life. I even asked my daughter her opinion on if I should share. Speaking it out loud though I heard the Holy Spirit giving me the answer. I felt strongly that people need REAL. They need raw and transparent. They need more people to be vulnerable.
I came to a conclusion to what He was telling me about sharing.
This morning this is what my devotion said.
“We will discover if their passion in awakened.
THERE I will display my love for you.
Song of Songs 7:12.
“When people know you are a radical follower of Jesus, they watch. Whether you like it or not, your life is an advertisement for the kingdom of God. The way you handle disappointment, honor and serve others, and view life will either attract or repel others.
The power and reality of your relationship with the Lord should create desire for Him in others. It’s important not to hide behind a mask of pretense, trying to convince people that the Christian life is always enjoyable. They need to journey with you, hear your struggles and victories, and watch as you find strength in God. Your love for Him should be evident. Your hope should be contagious. Keep your spirit and soul healthy and saturated in His presence. When your whole, you will shine and release His love every chance you get. Attract people to the realities of loving Him.”
((7:12 are numbers God uses to speak to me. He wants me to remember His faithfulness when I see them and to remember all He’s done for me.))
Friends, He is BEYOND faithful!!! I wake up and am overwhelmed by His goodness. He’s everywhere and waiting for us to seek Him. He’s everywhere and with us every second and in every detail of THIS day.
If you seek Him and find Him you will experience joy unspeakable no matter WHAT you are walking through.
Always only Jesus.
Eyes Of A Lion 