Kingdom Within My Mind

The other day in the parking lot of Lilly’s school I was battling negative thinking.

All the things that were going wrong and that I was focusing on were coming to a head. It was just the result of letting my guard down because I was feeling overwhelmed.

After I dropped Lilly off in the line and was leaving God broke right through the mess I had allowed to fester in my heart. He spoke so clearly to me just as He had the day before.

The day before He literally broke through the natural realm and told me to come to Him and that everything was going to be ok.

I believed Him that everything would be ok. I think what happened in my heart was just that my duties greatly increased. My normal routine was off. The condition of my home made me feel out of control. Then after feeling rattled I started allowing frustrations in people I love to grow. It was a snowball effect.

Leaving Lilly’s school parking lot I clearly heard my Papa say, “ Erin, self pity is a choice. I’m right here waiting on you to choose me instead. I’m just a thought and choice away.”

My heart and my mind exploded with thought about what this meant. I thought to myself, “wait a minute, this is exactly what I preach to my kids. I can just forget all those legitimate worry’s and be consumed with Jesus? I can worship and be with Him and not care at all about everything that was just making me furious? I can just “let” that person get away with what they did”? And I didn’t even have to hear an answer back. Right in that moment I chose Jesus and I literally felt a ton of weight be lifted off my shoulders. It was insane.

I literally just practiced what I preach.

I was set free.

This is exactly why Jesus died for me.

In an instant with the Holy Spirit ministering to my heart and choosing to see myself go to Jesus, everything changed. He was waiting on me. The second I let go and turned my attention to Him He quickly embraced me.

My perspective had radically pivoted and joy filled my heart.

This, friends, is confounding to the wise.

It’s so simple yet beyond profound.

And that person who wronged me? We where both set free because I allowed Jesus to be in control. I was dancing in my spirit at the thought of immediately being set free from the thoughts that I needed to do something about their actions. Thoughts that I needed to fix their behavior.

Recognizing what I was doing and choosing to see past the issue in love. That is the freedom that seems not logical or natural.

Bitterness, unforgiveness, resentment, and being overwhelmed by all the little things that were happening, LEFT my heart. They disappeared. It seemed too good to be true.

In my mind I saw a child running away from an adult hurt, angry, and crying. They were throwing a fit of sorts and felt overwhelmed by things not going their way. Then I saw an adult pursue them in love and convince them to open their crossed arms. They listened to the calming voice softly whisper in their ear. Still upset but listening the child let the adult sit them on their knee and wipe their tears. The adult lifted them up hugging them as the child laid their head on their shoulder. All weight was transferred to the carrier. In this embrace all anger and frustration melted away. They had no more worries.They were assured that everything was going to be ok.

Instantly the child’s spirit was revived and he was already thinking what he wanted to play with next. He skipped off without a worry in the world.

Perhaps that adult was Jesus and perhaps that child was me.