Author: ErinEHall12

God speaks to me through numbers. He has used 7:12 to cause me to remember the things He has done in my life.

I try to pause and briefly reflect all the many times I look at a clock and it says 7:12.

This morning as it was no surprise I looked at clock and grinned. There was 7:12 again.

Instead of pausing for a moment I took some time to pen these words.

—

I remember…

You’ve slayed my dragons one by one

As You’ve covered me with your love

Divine moments have captured my view

I’m completely in awe as all my thoughts dwell on You

You lead me to rest as I’m driven “to do”

Come with me YOU say

Enjoy the rhythm with me this day

Slow down

Look around

When you seek Me you’ll find

Treasures of a far different kind

Things of this earth left behind

My kingdom is not like there

Where riches and fame they seek

It’s for the humble that go low are obedient and meek

It brings fulfillment like no other when you choose Me as your Lord

When you lay your life down and through Me draw your sword

The sword of truth that through faith you believe

Will lead you through darkness that loves to deceive

So remember my chosen one

Remember them all

The troubles in your life

I’ve conquered them all

God speaks to me in several ways, but one way He speaks to me a lot is through dreams.

Last night I had a very powerful/intense dream in which I woke from a few different times. When I would fall back asleep the dream would continue.

In my dream I was put back into my life before being saved.

A life of sin.

All things that felt and seemed good, but offered no promises.

It was so real and so beyond awful that I could barely endure it.

It was my life before following Jesus and although it wasn’t an exact replica of my actual life, scenarios were very similar.

It was so dark and scary that I woke up three different times and whispered Jesus name out loud to pierce through the darkness I was walking through.

It was real and it was hell.

It was literally and figuratively a nightmare.

I did not know my identity. I had no real hope or faith. I didn’t know my calling. I was often depressed and turning to “things” and people for happiness, acceptance and fulfillment. I suffered from perfectionism, obsessive compulsive disorder, and an eating disorder due to the way I saw myself. I had control issues due to the lack of control in my life, and ALL this in my dream weighed so heavy on me.

I can’t express in words the heaviness and darkness I felt while seemingly living it again.

God through dreaming allowed me to be taken from the light I’ve found to remember what was once my reality.

I woke up thinking, “Wow! What in the world was that all about?” It felt so real! I had to shake it off.

I didn’t get the revelation until a bit later in my quiet time why I had that experience.

God was allowing me in glimpses to remember what I had been saved from.

He was allowing me to remember how lost I was.

He was allowing me to remember how very much like hell it was to not have a relationship with a Savior, and walk hand in hand with Him daily.

He was letting me feel that hopelessness for a moment so I could wake up and be overwhelmed by the GRACE He’s given me.

He was letting me get a fresh perspective of how loved I am, and how it was never anything I DID or any behavior that earned His grace.

I didn’t deserve any of it.

I remember in my old life before Him knowing what “Christians” were supposed to be and live like, but it did not seem realistic. No one I knew was living their lives THAT WAY except for my grandparents. I knew better but I never surrendered my life. I was a good kid, but I often made terrible decisions and I was suffering internally.

Even after getting saved at nineteen God still had much work to do in my life.

His goal for us is to be restored taking us from glory to glory until we become who He intended us to be from the beginning.

My original blueprint is the image and reflection of Him. He loves us into wholeness. He heals and restores until we get there.

He longs to take us deeper and deeper into revelation of Him and His kingdom bringing that healing to every area of our lives.

After revelation of my dream I was greatly overwhelmed with gratitude and felt so humbled.

On my way to church I daydreamed about this divine humbling experience and was equally blown away that Papa loves me enough to remind me how much He loved me then and how much He loves me still.

He patiently pursued me back then even when I was denying His way over and over.

Then I got to church with all this fresh on my mind. Worshipping and listening to the powerful teaching I was a mess of tears.

I love my church so much.

I love Papa so much.

Communion had never felt so powerful.

I guess Papa knew it would do my heart good and prepare me for that sacred time at church to be reminded of where I came from.

A life without communion with Him again would indeed be my worst nightmare.

I want to encourage you TODAY to START a new habit in your life. Prioritize your time to make the most of it. God calls us to use what we have for His glory and then He takes our little and makes a lot. The hardest part is deciding what you want for your life, deciding on goals according to your desires, and starting. Habits if kept long enough will soon become second nature. The habits we create become patterns, and those patterns the foundation for the quality of the life we live. Creating “better” habits makes all the difference in the world. Our habits, then patterns, shape the person we want to become.

We have to manage our time well. Years spent doing A THING is no guarantee of progress in it. We are going to get out of our time spent what we put into it, so we have to manage it well. We have to create the best habits being intentional with our decisions, ambitious, and consistent, so that patterns that form are beneficial for God’s will for our lives.

A lot of habits that we desire but don’t begin are often put on the back burn due to our claims that there isn’t enough TIME. We have the same amount of time as every other human being on this earth. Our problem might not be a lack of time problem but a value problem. We might be placing too much value on un-important and wasteful things. They might be “good” things, but not the “best” things.

I didn’t always wake up way before the sun to spend time with God.

I didn’t always sign up for bible studies.

I didn’t always put God first.

I didn’t always pray and lead prayers for m family.

I didn’t always pray over my children.

I didn’t always make teaching my children the bible a priority.

I didn’t always think being with other believers was important.

I didn’t always seek the Lord with all my heart.

I didn’t always watch sermons every single chance I have a few quiet moments.

I didn’t always share what I’ve learned.

I didn’t always grow.

I wasn’t always hungry for more.

I didn’t always take risk.

I didn’t always tithe.

I didn’t always sacrifice.

THE KEY IS TO START TODAY.

CUT out some wasteful things that are holding you back from knowing God better, and from growing, and replace them with habits that will position you to GROW and to be used by God. If you haven’t a desire, then you are missing out on being used for greatness AND to your fullest potential. Budget your time wisely. Even go to God in prayer about how He wants you to use your time. If you give Him the first and the BEST…He blesses the rest Use your gifts and talents that He gave you, for Him. De-clutter how your spending your limited time on this earth and start some new habits TODAY!

Your faithful attempts will eventually grow into habits.

Before you know it, God will start transforming your life and using YOU to further His kingdom.

If you have asked Jesus into heart, have asked to be filled with His Holy Spirit, and have made a promise to follow Him;
then you have the SAME POWER IN YOU that RAISED CHRIST FROM THE GRAVE.

The SAME POWER!

I do not believe that Christ died on the cross for us so that we could live happy or un-happy lives, and then die. To just merely be “good” shouldn’t be the goal. To be a good person, citizen, mommy, or daddy. Those are all great things, but we were made for so much MORE! Our goal in the life we live should be to glorify God, and to win a lost world back to God. Our habits and how we spend our time should

We ARE destined to MAKE AN IMPACT! We are made for it, and we have the POWER within us if we just access it. It’s our gift!

A couple of weeks ago God gave me an amazing unforgettable dream. Within my dream I had an open vision of an eagle. An open vision means that you are seeing a vision with your eyes open as if it were right before you.

After staring in awe at the eagle immediately following was a vision of Jesus. I’ve only seen Jesus in my dreams a couple of times so this moment even in my dream was surreal. I was starring at Him not believing my eyes and He was looking at me as if speaking a thousand words but saying nothing. His posture towards me was warm and compassionate and He had a slight grin on His face. I was thunderstruck by His presence.

I woke up and felt unusually energized as I do EVERY time He speaks to me. His voice sends surges of life and energy into my bones. I jumped out of bed and was walking on clouds. I immediately began praying and asking Him what my dream meant. I have learned that He loves to share His heart and reveal His secrets if we get quiet before Him and merely ASK.

His answer did not come to me in that prayer time. A bit later my two beautiful girls were awake and I anxiously told both of them my dream. They both looked at me with sweet smiles on their faces as they usually do when they see me so excited. It’s the sweetest thing. Only knowing to be happy for mommy. They are used to my excitement. I feel warm knowing He is planting seeds in their hearts from all my exciting encounters with Him.

Later that day I went to Him in prayer again and asked Him what those sacred visions meant. What was He saying to me? And so clearly this time like a download to my heart I heard Him say, “Erin, I am calling you up into new heights of experiencing my presence.”

In that moment it was if the world stopped turning. There are no words when revelation comes. When the creator of the universe speaks right to you it’s a mixture of love, deep humility, sacredness, and a million emotions all in one.

Hearing His voice on a daily basis is my spiritual heartbeat. It’s my daily manna. And hearing it pierces through ANYTHING I’m walking through. He literally directs my steps.

I have become a women, 41 years old this past weekend, who lives to rest on Him, to hear His whispers, and to peacefully obey. To know His heart, and to expectantly and with hunger read His word. This is the life He has brought me into when I said yes all those years ago.

I want these words of recording the way’s He speaks me to bring glory to Him by making a way for others. When my dad died 4 years ago, I, in a very serious manner, declared that I knew there was MORE to this Christian life and I wanted to know what it was. And literally from that MOMENT on He has been showing me.

All it takes is a heart of surrender for you to have this relationship too. Friends, it’s the greatest adventure. It’s the fresh life He died a brutal death for us to have. And we can walk with Him DAILY right into eternity. It’s what we were made for.

A couple days after my dream my Lilly (6 years old) brought me a surprise behind her back. She made me close my eyes and at her command I opened to this picture she drew me of my eagle. No other words about my dream besides the morning after it happened had been spoken. I was speechless. She had remembered. I have a feeling she will never forget and I will treasure this picture FOREVER.

God will go out of His way to show you how much He loves you.

He loves you when your in sin. He loves you the same when you are holy. He will pursue you in both. His love does not depend on what we do or what we are not doing.

In this season of rest God reminded me of a time when I was choosing to love Him, but I wasn’t obeying what He asked of me. I was attached and couldn’t let go of something that was not good for me and was causing me pain and deep heartache. He reminded me of this incident where He manifested Himself to me and literally showed me that He was with me in a time when I was in great despair. He comforted me in that loneliness and confusion. He was drawing me nearer to Him. Little by little I released the hold that the sin had on me. Thinking about it now I’m overwhelmed with how unworthy I am of His constant love yet He chose me.

This reminder He gave me REMINDED me in how He see’s OTHERS when they are not obeying. He pursues THEM in love and so should I. He never condoned my sin. He loved me out of it.

Oh my gosh, He is so worthy of all praise.

Sitting in my chair and spending time with Him a few weeks ago He reminded me of this. He whispered, “Erin, I was choosing you even when you were choosing not to obey me.” Talk about a moment of humility. He was showing me and reminding me that I can be free of thinking I have TO DO anything to have His love or MORE of His love. I already have it.

Grace. He’s teaching me to walk in it. I am soaking it in.

Not that I never sin or am perfect, but now that I’m not choosing sin over obedience, I am AWARE of His presence with me at all times. I’ve been set free. And when I stumble He gently reminds and redirects. I get it wrong sometimes, but I repent and make it right. He is a loving Father and a Councilor full of forgiveness.

I have so many stories to tell and will be releasing them here on this platform. It will be a series of testimonies from my life. They will be natural and supernatural and I promised to release them as He leads me to.

What an adventure to walk with Him. No day is ordinary on this journey.

I was running yesterday listening to worship and got so caught up in the Spirit.

I was in the secret place with Him. My favorite place in the world.

I had a revelation about words that my grandma spoke to me when I was a little girl. She once told me that she dreamed of the day she could dance. A day when the church would allow her to dance.

She was a pastors wife. In my young mind I thought that to mean that her church was against dancing as some southern baptist church’s are. I was always mystified by that rule, so that is what I took her comment to mean.

Nevertheless those words from my grandma Funk seared my heart forever.

So much that after she passed away from Earth I remember thinking NOW she can dance.

NOW I KNOW that Papa God didn’t sear those words on my heart for nothing, because when I was running He revealed to me the bigger picture or the full truth that I didn’t understand as a little girl.

ALL THESE YEARS LATER He sweetly revealed it to me.

This is another little TESTIMONY very much like the vision He gave me of my boys when I was a teenager. It is as if these bits of knowledge and/or visions are impossible to forget. They get supernaturally stored in your memory.

God didn’t have me meet my husband and his two boys UNTIL my mid twenties YEARS LATER! So even in my teen years when that vision was insignificant it popped right up in my mind when I met them.

And just like these words from my grandma, He brings them out of STORAGE and REVEALS to me their true meaning over thirty years later.

–

This past year and even more the past six months in my divine resting season, I have craved worship fiercely. Now I know that worship is a posture of the heart and we can worship in everything we do, but I’m speaking of the worship when you get so caught up in that secret place and it’s just you and Him. This kind of worship that I’m speaking of is a little difficult to do while cooking dinner, being a chauffeur, and a referee all at the same time.

I have discovered and said out loud over myself several times that I was MADE to worship.

I know and feel it in my life now more than ever.

Since having these STRONG desires Papa has been speaking clearly to me about not being afraid of what worshipping Him looks like; whether I’m the one worshipping or anyone around me that’s worshipping. When the Holy Spirit moves upon you it may look strange to a worldly mindset, but we have to remember that the Holy Spirit is not of this world. He is not confined to our worldly order.

He has been making sure that I understand this, and that I embrace it.

He has been showing me through random (not random to Him) resources back to back to grab my attention. He’s showing me the importance of understanding this, also validating my deep desires to worship Him.

So to bring this story to full circle I have had many times when I’ve been running that I get caught up in that intimacy with God and have visions of me dancing before the Him.

When I was running and worshipping yesterday having those visions and feeling the Holy Spirit so powerfully (but running in the neighborhood) only able to lift my hands in those powerful moments when I absolutely cannot contain it any longer RISKING “what people might think” if they saw me; I was desiring to be free to break out in full expression of worship.

Right in that moment Papa sweetly out of nowhere gave me revelation of my grandmas words from ALL those years ago only right then in that moment I understood them fully.

She wanted to DANCE before the Lord like no one was watching… just.. like.. me.

In my grandpa’s church, in God’s presence, she wanted to dance but wasn’t allowed.

I’m still in awe. In awe of our Father and how much He LOVES US! How indescribably sweet of Him to give me that revelation right there in that tender moment of me about to explode because I wanted to worship.

After my grandma has gone to Heaven HE is revealing her heart to me and SHOWING me how my heart is like hers.

I’ll just go bawl my eyes out now.

He’s unbelievable.

Such a gift. That’s why I had to write about it.

I cannot WAIT to dance with her in Heaven now.

God told me a couple of months ago that He was training me and to TRUST Him. I wrote the words down in my notebook as I always do when I hear His voice. To hear Him speak is the deepest longing in my heart.

The last few weekends I have clearly seen Him giving me opportunity after opportunity to walk in what He has taught me. Or you could say “opportunities” to RESPOND in how He has “trained” me. I’m going to share with you one of those divine opportunities.

The weekend before Easter weekend some things happened that disrupted our flow of this busy life. It involved one of my kids, and my husband and I were faced with how to handle the situation.

It involved some tough love where lessons had to be taught and lessons are learned.

It’s the little things that rock our safety

nets, and rattle us, that help us to grow.

Within that parenting and thoughts on how to handle it I began hearing LIES.

I was hearing how all my efforts of parenting were a joke to my children. How disillusioned I was to think they actually respected me. How that my husband doesn’t respect me and thinks my efforts at parenting are a joke to him as well. How they snicker and roll their eyes behind my back.

I was hearing that I was wasting my time even trying. How could I possibly think I was building trust with my child? What a fool I was!

I felt like my heart was crushed and I felt humiliated that I would think they actually loved and respected me.

Notice how all these lies are centered on ME.

All the while hearing these lies I began slipping into a familiar dark place of bitterness, anger, resentment, and pride and I had to literally “will” myself away to a private spot and wage war against my mind.

I was feeling all kinds of “feelings.” Pretty safe to say I was being tempted into self pity. I KNEW better.

I’ve been trained to FIGHT. I knew who had the VICTORY. I knew they were lies ALL from the pit of hell. But reality was I couldn’t shake those overwhelming “feelings.”

I had to take my little one to gymnastics and I was wading in prayer the whole way there. I was declaring promises. I was thinking about all I knew to be true. But these dark “feelings” wouldn’t lift. I said to the Lord, “Lord, if I could I would cut those feelings out and throw them away. I know the TRUTH! They just won’t go away and I’m trying to make them!” Those feeling came from YEARS of lies being believed. I had heard them over and over and had believed them. They had defeated me too many times to count. They had tortured me. They had blinded me. They had controlled me. But THEN as I was fighting, as I was praying and declaring, and remembering, I had a VISION of Jesus and began hearing scripture and in a frozen precious moment I said YES! Okay Lord! I receive it! I knew exactly what to do and it became activated within me.

Tears began welling up. And in the exact same precious moment, Lilly quiet in the backseat began playing a song with words so divine for that very moment. “Under the glow of the very bright lights, I turn my face towards the warm night skies.” “Oh I used to think, what I wouldn’t give, for a moment like this, this moment this gift.” “Now look at me and this opportunity! Standing right in front of me!” Tears began falling down my face and I realized that moment for me was sacred. Papa had been making me a warrior and this was my time. I said YES! YES Lord! And the weight of His word, the weight of His Spirit as I crucified my flesh for Him, BURST through the darkness.

The “feelings” I felt COMPLETELY lifted. The joy in my heart exploded and my tears turned to a crying laughter! I was so overwhelmed and so full that I could’ve done a backflip. And on cue, the end of the song played with the words, “My big opportunity, I won’t waste it, I guarantee.”

Within the darkness of my yuck that I’ve carried for years the power of light came in like a rushing river and devoured years of lies and whispers that I once believed. That was my opportunity to crush them and to walk in authority over them and I didn’t waste it. I felt so triumphant that feelings didn’t win that war.

I felt Papa beaming that I FINALLY after all these years had a breakthrough. I felt His proudness. I imagine myself running into His arms and squeezing Him to death with gratitude in my heart overflowing for all He has given me and taught me.

I felt so victorious. The truth is Jesus had the victory the WHOLE time. My mind was keeping me from claiming the truth and victory that was rightfully mine. It’s imperative our minds be RENEWED by His word. Its imperative we surrender. When I turned my attention to Him, I began envisioning Him, and thinking about what HE did for me and thinking about how he went to the cross. Thinking about how focused and submitted He was to doing His Fathers will.

( I knew this was what I had to do.) Thinking about how he was betrayed, denied, and crucified… so that the HOLY SPIRIT could break through the enemy’s grip on our lives and bring VICTORY to moments like THIS! Thank you Jesus!

Every cell in my body worships Him. I’m getting fired up all over again thinking about it! This FREEDOM is why He DIED for us! We don’t deserve it. And we certainly didn’t earn it.

I was able to SEE how this was an opportunity for me to overcome with authority and to GIVE the grace I’ve been given.

The power was in my response. My response to this little bump in the road was important.

Because of this breakthrough I was able to step in to my calling of WHO God created me to be. I was able to lead and parent out of grace and forgiveness from wholeness instead of reacting out of my own brokenness.

This is so important.

Love came in. Fear and lies went out.

I chose to receive love and to give love despite “feelings” and impulses.

I chose THE WAY.

No matter what anyone says or does to you, choose love. No matter what your feelings are telling you, choose love.

God wants more than anything is to make His children whole, and for us to live in our identity in Him.

That’s why He sent His son and Jesus is the answer to everything.

I’m still in a season of rest.

This season for me has been all about receiving His grace and breaking my pattern of works to please Him.

It hasn’t been easy, but all the while Papa has walked with me. He’s been training me.

He’s given me divine dreams and shown me intimately how He sees me. He’s helped me hear His voice more clearly and shown me how I was created and made to do so. He given me promises to cling to and to declare.

He’s shown me my brokenness and how

He was pursuing me even when I was deliberately disobeying Him.

He’s always been pursuing me.

His love for me has NOTHING to do with what I’ve done or haven’t done.

GRACE.

It’s everything.

I don’t deserve it. And I could never earn it.

I’ll stay in this humble position under the waterfall of His grace all of my days.

So in essence always “resting” in His love. That’s why His burden is light.

I choose to astonish those around me with the way I carry this GRACE that’s been given to me.

It’s my greatest gift and His love and my love are my greatest weapons.

If you know me really well, then you know that once upon a time I was obsessed with Jes MaHarry jewelry. Jes one time had a “Ray of LIGHT” contest that I entered writing about my husband.

I WON the contest and was given some really special jewelry. One of the pieces is the necklace that my baby Elysse has been wearing since she was three and still wears to this day.

Another piece was a silver cuff that reminds me of the love and light within him.

The whole thing was really special and reading it again brings back so much emotion. I just ran across the writing the other day and thought I would share.

True Rays Of Light Contest~

In my small, but blessed life, my husband is the sunshine that warms my heart and has indeed made a positive difference in our world.

His beautiful soul radiates the sweet essence of love and takes the meaning of love to a level that always leaves me admiring him in a state of awe.

He was faced with the unfortunate happening of his first wife walking out on him and their two baby boys only six months and three years at the time, leaving everything they knew shattered.

It was if his “gift” was given to him for this tragic event that God KNEW would take place. My husband coddled those babies with an abundance of love. He replaced the VOID in their life by giving them so much love, nurturing, and guidance.

Two years later he and I met and fell MADLY in love. It was such a magical experience that I could almost feel the hand of God bringing us together. The unseen force that bound us together seemed more beautiful than any princess love story.

I soon learned after getting to know this beautiful soul, that his answer to everything in life IS LOVE.

Becoming an instant mother to two precious boys, I endured some pretty difficult days. My husband was always right beside me teaching me that more “love” was the best answer and response. I was so independent, very stubborn, and a lot selfish, and had much to learn about sharing my life. Listening to my husband’s wisdom made many of my walls crumble. Some days I would bite my tongue, close my eyes, and try to do something that my husband would do. He was the pinnacle of the parent I longed to be. He inspired me so much that I deeply desired to be more like him. His love to our two boys, and our precious little angel that we had together, is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever witnessed.

Every day he smothers them with hugs and kisses. He’s the daddy that tries to never miss a ball game, and hardly a practice. He’s constantly trying to take them places, buy MLB tickets, or just ANYTHING that he knows will put a smile on their face. He tickles them, plays cards with them, plays board games with them and even comes home after having a long day a work, and goes right outside to play catch “just to see them smile.” He spontaneously comes up to them and kisses them on the head and says, “ Have I told you how much I love you today?” When my oldest, who has a harder time than most because of what he went through, acts out in anger or is seriously misbehaving, my husband s response is LOVE. He would go in his room and show him love. He would hold him and let him cry, or scream, or punch the pillow, all the while reassuring him with daddy’s love. He didn’t reprimand him, or punish him. He HELD him and tried to lift him up, sometimes holding and rocking him for what seemed like forever. AMAZING. Truly, truly, inspiring. He’s a kind, gentle, loving spirit. He’s the most loving person I have ever met, and I’m blessed enough to get to share my life with him.

My husbands name is Michael. He is good at almost EVERYTHING he does; playing guitar, writing music, golfing, fishing, gourmet cooking, lavishing our yard with beautiful flowers and manicured landscaping. There is not much that he isn’t good at, but his God given “LOVE” is his best gift to the world.

He inspires me every day with his simple acts of kindness, to love a little more, and that “love is almost ALWAYS the answer.”

I believe that remembering God’s faithfulness and intentionally stopping to ponder what He has done is vital to our walk of Faith.

Every single morning for the past few years I get up and spend quiet time in the Word. When I’m finished I look over all my memories from past years of things I’ve posted in Facebook. God has spoken to me countless times as I’m reminded of where I’ve been.

This morning was one of my favorite little reminders. He was reminding me how He has never left me no matter how many times I couldn’t FEEL Him.

I have had so many high points and blessed seasons in my life, but I’ve also walked through some very dark and difficult seasons. THIS is life for everyone.

But He has been so faithful to hold my hand and lead and comfort me through it all.

I’m going to put the memories here on my blog from Facebook to encourage you to trust Him. Trust Him more today knowing that He loves you and wants to be a part of every single detail of your life. The more of it you surrender to Him the more of Heaven you will see on this Earth.

As a young girl before I was even saved, God gave me a vision of my boys.

During an extremely dark season He gave me a child that overwhelmed me with joy. She was His faithfulness providing light in the darkness.

And I will never forget one particular day in 2012 after spending weeks praying for direction and believing He would show me hearing His voice tell me to have Lilly and putting my desire to adopt to rest because all I ever want is His will for my life. My spirit did FLIPS when He told me He wanted me to have another child of my own. Trusting in Him brought us Lilly.

I asked Him this morning to reveal His heart to me and to show me what He has for me today and as I eagerly leaned in He revealed that He wanted me to receive His love for me by REMEMBERING His faithfulness.

REPOST from 2012-

Something occurred to me this morning… hit me with full force. I’ve often felt extremely blessed to have experienced the “fairytale bliss” of meeting and falling in love with my husband. It was surreal. Better than the movies, and I’ve always cherished that time. The feelings that we felt for each other were intoxicating. And after reading over Valentine’s Day, some love letters that we had written each other, it was very apparent how sickly in love we were.

Fast forward a few years, and to give you a little glimpse into my life right now. I’m feeling very GRATEFUL lately. In fact the word grateful is an understatement. My cup runeth over if you know what I mean. My husband is the beat of my heart everyday. What a great husband and friend I have, never ceases to amaze me…. And in the midst of being in love, and being grateful, my insides are aching for a baby. Aching for another baby with him. I’ve been looking through baby pictures, torturing myself, reminiscing of all the joy in my life when Mike and I met, and when we were BLESSED with my joy baby, and something hit me.

In retrospect…that was the hardest time of Mike’s life, the boy’s life, and MY life, dealing with the boy’s abandonment from their mother. Dealing with all the havoc she wreaked in our lives. Your mouth would hit the floor if I gave detail’s, so I’ll spare you. Just imagine total darkness. Evil. Lies. Heartache. Threats. Court. Fear. Thousands of dollars being spent. A little boy’s life being shattered to pieces…and Mike holding those pieces in his hand’s. Words cannot take you there. Words do not shed a bit of light to what he/we went through.

But in that darkness… God kindled a fire between Mike and I. A fire that kept us warm in that dark, dark place. A fire that drew me into the darkness, and was so full of Gods blessing, I had no desire to leave that warm spot in the dark place. HE held us there through each and every day. The days seemed to drag on with uncertainty , and fear all around us, but we were locked together as one with God’s hand protecting what HE kindled. He was there. If it wasn’t for that drunkenness sort of love… I might have been scared to death, and walked or ran away. Are you following me?

After we had a magical ceremony getting married… all alone…with only God as our witness, we returned to the chaos of trying to keep our babies protected, and keeping Satan UNDER our feet. Then a year later she came. My joy. My addiction. My light! I always call her a little light. I always tell her to be light in the world, and this morning I realize that she IS , and was the light. God gave us/me another light in the darkness. When she was in my belly, and after being born, I was consumed with her. You cannot imagine what she did to my world. Another kindled fire that I clung to. A light. God’s hand. His protection from the storm.

Since that storm, God has blessed us more than we could have EVER imagined. I have more than I deserve. More than I ever even wanted. And most of all we are blessed with LOVE. He healed our broken family, and lead us through trials, strengthened us, and showered us with blessings. Sometimes we wonder where God is in the storm, the hard times…but It’s not until we’ve walked through it, and look back, until we see that He was there the WHOLE time.

Today, the storm that has been brewing in my mind is whether or not to have another precious baby, or to adopt an orphan. (I don’t need opinions, just prayer for God’s perfect will My insides are aching with baby fever. I cannot even tell you the severity! And God has lead me , and opened my eyes to orphans. (Proverbs 24:12) He’s done more than just open my eyes…he just keeps laying things in my path, undeniably His hand at work. So I’ve been torn. I’ve been yearning for clarification. I JUST want it to be HIS will.

Today, I’m choosing to believe that He’s here with me. I mean REALLY believe. He’s here in the storm that’s raging in my mind, and He’ll lead me faithfully to still waters. I’m going to repeat this to myself all day today In the meantime, I’m going to learn more, and share more about being an advocate for God’s precious children that need mommy’s and daddy’s. They need love. They need a family. And WE are God’s hands and feet.<3 ((Prayer would be GREATLY appreciated))

With Love,

Erin