Work In Progress

Last weekend, I had an OPPORTUNITY to use my FAITH. All these opportunities over the years I used to see differently. I didn’t see them as opportunities but trials.

They felt HARD. They HURT. They caused confusion. They disoriented me. They made me ANGRY. They got me into the posture of being OFFENDED. They made me feel FEARFUL. They puffed up my defensive ego called PRIDE.

All of my life until now I was a creature hell bent on being treated fair and treating people fairly.

Papa is patiently breaking this seemingly noble trait in me, because that is what He does. He cleans house in our hearts. He clears our distorted vision, and helps us to see what He sees and to do what He does.

Last weekend was a time for me to do all He has been teaching me and I almost got it right.

My husband did something that offended me. It wasn’t so much that what he did was WRONG. It was that it was something I would have never done to him. I would of gone out of my way not to have done it to him. And it was also that what he did was not what he SAID he was going to be doing. (THAT would be unfair if left up to Erin.)

I sat in my thinking chair beginning to get a little offended. The longer I sat the longer feelings started brewing. THEN, I heard Papa loud and clear. “Don’t be offended, Erin.”

Pretend that you hear me sigh very loudly.

“But, Papa…” I nearly said out loud. “ It isn’t FAIR! I would never do that to him!” I began hearing little thoughts/lies basically negative thoughts of my husbands love for me.

“Erin Elizabeth, I have taught you to not be offended. I’ve taught you to pray and trust, and I’ve taught you to be still, or let go of CONTROL. Doing these things and being obedient shows me how much you love me. It shows me the level of your faith. It protects your heart. Now go on and do as I am telling you.”

So against my will I grabbed up all those thoughts, called them lies, and made them obedient to Christ. I could see them for what they were even though it was extremely hard to deny them. I had to not believe what I thought I was seeing. (Faith not sight)

Although I willfully made that decision, I wish I could say hearing those words from the Creator ‘of the universe’ caused me to jump into action turning from everything I was feeling. I really do. I’m still a work in progress. I was still wrestling those pesky feelings. My head KNEW what to do and I was slaughtering my emotions like a warrior, but there was still a tinge of wanting to get ‘at least’ a word in.

An opportunity for me to tell my husband how wrong he was presented itself to me. I was 99% obedient to what I knew Papa asked of me. I was a little proud of myself because I waged war against my feelings and it’s getting easier and easier, but I was also a little disappointed that I allowed that 1% to have any place in MY heart and my opportunity. I said something small to him more like a jab and justified it by the fact that “I felt” like saying SO MUCH more!

This one percent was still disobedient. And let me tell you a secret. God desires our obedience for our own protection because He loves us.

Papa does not judge me. He just keeps cheering me on. He’s the absolute BEST to have in the corner of your ring coaching you to VICTORY.

I went to bed that night with just a little frustration at the whole scenario, but I was also at peace because I knew I was in safe hands.

I woke the next morning and THIS is what happened. This is my reason for writing this.

A couple of weeks ago on Instagram a pastor requested to follow me. I usually don’t accept request from any males but I felt God’s hand in it so I accepted him to follow me. The pastor had looked at my Instagram and liked two old post.

Any guesses on what those two old post were? The FIRST thing I would see on Instagram?

(((My life is a testament that there are no coincidences with God.)))

The first post that was right there for me to see was;

“Great marriages are not created by people who never hurt each other, only by people who choose to keep “no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:5)

(((Sigh))) “Let it go, Erin.” I heard.

And, the other old post right after that one was;

-“For we live by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7 NIV -There is true Life going on as it is in Heaven happening as we trust Him and let go of this life we are living through our own ability. As we crucify our flesh and walk out His Word trusting more in it than what we are seeing. THIS is faith. THIS is true LIFE. It’s a choice and surrender away. –

I was completely humbled.

I was being graciously saved from myself (my emotions, my feelings, my being offended.)

Papa kindly and lovingly used a random person (“just happened” to be a pastor) my own words, my own revelation, to remind me of His Truth. He didn’t allow that 1% to fester and grow in my heart.

He called me when I woke that morning to sit on His lap to receive GRACE and to make sure I had LEARNED the full lesson in this OPPORTUNITY. (This simple yet profound little opportunity.)

I was immediately flooded with peace. In His presence nothing other than that exist. I sat there and marveled at His love for me.

He is FAITHFUL. He is PRESENT. He is always speaking, and always LOVE. He is faithful to SHOW us the way. He is faithful to teach us over and over until we learn. And I’ve learned that we will ALWAYS be learning!

Don’t get caught up in doing all the things. What Papa desires is an intimate relationship with you. He will speak to you all day long. He will give you answers and show you the way if your heart is surrendered to Him.

Let’s open our agendas, our eyes, our ears, and hearts and SEEK Him today with all of our being. THIS is the life worth living.